Tuesday, Jun. 03, 2003 | 4:02 PM

In the past I�ve waited things out. Stayed with things when they got bad hopping they�d get better. Stayed through the long slow decline, until finally something happened where I absolutely had to get out. This has been a long running theme throughout my life. It happened when I left college. It happened with The Stupid Company. It�s happened with a couple of significant relationships.

And it�s always been terribly sad, because staying with something too long has robbed me of any fondness for it. For instance, if I had left The Stupid Company a year before I actually did, I�d think about it warmly now. I�d think about the fun times I�d had staying after with Angus, drinking wine on the fire escape. I�d think about clowning around with the Kent Pope Instat Collective.

Because I stayed too long, I have very bad feelings towards that place. It�s a shame really.

In fact, Cabaret has been one of the only meaningful things in my whole life that ended at just the right time, while I still loved it, but had most likely learned all the essential lessons from the experience.

Timing is everything. The minute you�ve stopped growing, it�s time for a change of scenery. It�s time to get out. Optimally, life should be a succession of jumping from one rock in a stream to the next and never staying with something too long�just long enough to learn from it and to love it. Then on to the next. Like Mary Poppins, you know?

Now I�ve realized that there is something else in my life that has become stagnant. And it�s on that decline�I�ve become far more cognizant of these things lately. I gotta get out soon or it might get ugly. And I don�t want this to get ugly because it�s been a wonderful meaningful experience for me�something that really transformed my life in a positive way. But now it�s lost its purpose and I really hope that I can leave it behind gracefully, before I wind up hating and resenting it.

I�m really really tired of hate and resentment. It has infected to much of my past. I hope I can leave the memory intact and lovely, before the bomb drops and the mushroom cloud obliterates all of the tenderness and good feeling.