Friday, May. 16, 2003 | 11:37 AM

The following was written at about 3AM yesterday:

Oh mein e damindent und herrend, madames et monsoeuirs (sp?), I am sooooooo drunk right now. I have wild white streaks in my hair, and I�m wearing a tight little black dress, and smoking a cigarette which is far too long for my bearing, and I have consumed mass quantities of chocolate martinis.

(puff puff)

This evening�s performance of Cabaret was, well, it was fucking INSPIRED. Let me be a little egotist for a moment and say that after my big second act number where I break down and lose my shit, nobody said a fucking word. There was no clapping. There was just sobbing and silence in the audience. You could hear a fucking pin drop. It was fucking beautiful. And then at curtain call when Co-Star and I came out, the audience went NUTS. Hallelujia!!!!!!

And oh let me add that at The Good Life, when all us cozy Cabaret stars were hanging at our booth, co-star came up to me and said,

You know, I can�t tell you how many people have commented on the two of us.

I batted my eyelashes.

What do you mean?

Co-Star rolled his lovely dark eyes.

I mean, on our chemistry together. You can�t fake that, you know.

We schmoozed. We flirted. We slow danced.

Producer said to us, That kiss on-stage is pretty realistic looking�

I blushed and turned beet red. Costar smirked. He said,

Well you know, we got a little somethin� somethin�.

It was a moment

And after all of that, I heard him commiserating with choreographer re what Kit Kat Girl he has a chance with during Saturday night�s cast party. And irrationally, tears sprang to my eyes�I felt incensed.

HELLO!!! Am I not a fucking SUPERSTAR? DID I NOT STOP THE GODDAMNED SHOW??

Of course, stupid Ego Girl Me�it didn�t fucking matter. Didn�t matter that I got bouquets and bouquets of flowers. Didn�t matter that I received a reception worthy of Queen fucking Elizabeth.. All I could focus on was that stupid god damned co-star at some point in the evening turned his attentions away from me.

How RETARDED is that?

But I got over it fast and went back to having a jolly lovely evening. I got to spend a few quality moments with Josh as well, and that was thrilling.

Oh kids I love everyone associated with this production so much. I want to pile them all into bed and snuggle them close. They make me so happy.

***

OK-- now it's morning.

Tonight after the show we�re going to the Hong Kong in Harvard Square, and I hope everyone will come out�you know who you are. Show up for some scorpion bowls and dancing and kissing and what not.

Babies, I love you.

xoxoxoxoxoxox