Thursday, May. 01, 2003 | 11:01 AM

So. More re yesterday�s plain awful rehearsal.

Whatever it is between Co-Star and I that pops and sizzles just fizzled last night. There was nothing but dead air between us. I didn�t believe his performance and so it was impossible to respond to him onstage in a believable way. Usually, every minute that we are onstage I believe that he thinks I�m the most beautiful woman on earth, that he�s madly in love with me, and that he wants to bed me with an almost religious fervor.

Yesterday he seemed bored and remote and just plain goofy. It was highly infuriating and threw off every one of my impulses. It changed the context of several scenes, and instead of wanting to make love to him (which is what I have to want), I instead wanted to throttle him.

I�m hoping for a return to form this evening.

Things in general onstage last night looked pretty schlock and sloppy. Everyone�s concentration was just totally off. The Kit Kat girls were in their costumes for the first time yesterday and they all looked sexy as hell. That may have thrown everyone for a loop. It�s strange to see that much skin all at once.

However, the Act II Dramatic scenes were just brilliant�all of them. If I can achieve the level of concentration and spontaneity, of being so private, I will be able to create something special and unique each and every time I do that scene. I think focusing on Mr. Wonderful�s eyes makes a big difference for me.

The last Cliff and Sally scene in Act II was beyond incredible as well. It went to an entirely different level emotionally.

I�m trying to think of ways to get Co-Star to palpably want me during the pineapple song. Maybe I�ll tell him right before I go onstage that I want to fuck his brains out. You think I�m kidding but I�m not. It�s important to get real reactions from people. I can�t stand faking my way through shit. It�s gotta be real�real in the sense that �Let�s Play Pretend� is real when you�re a kid. You know obviously that you aren�t actually an astronaut or a cowboy of a fairy princess, but while your playing, there�s a part of you that truly believes. I�m striving for that level of reality in this performance. Up until yesterday, Co-Star and I reached moments of that onstage. Mr. Wonderful and I achieve that pretty regularly. But I want it take it to a more heightened sense of reality than it is currently.

And we have so little time.