Monday, Apr. 28, 2003 | 10:45 AM

This morning I watched Mr. Show with Bob and David, and I don�t think I have ever laughed so hard in my entire life. That has to be the most inspired series in television history. There was a sketch about novelty songs featuring horror movie monsters (like Dracula and the Wolfman) and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. And then I kept laughing all the way to work. So I was sitting on the bus just bursting into loud guffaws for apparently no reason because I couldn�t stop thinking about how fucking funny that sketch was. And now that I�m thinking about it again I�m busting up in my office. This has been happening a great deal lately. I don�t have very much control over my impulses anymore. It�s a fabulous feeling.

I�m so excited for my one on one rehearsal with Co-Star tomorrow. Partly because I dig him and partly because one on one acting rehearsals are fun no matter what. I want to spend a lot of time talking about the relationship between our characters.

I genuinely care for Co-Star, I think. Here are some things I like about him.

He is sincerely sweet and kind. Everyone loves him and thinks highly of him. His enthusiasm for life is inspiring. He has good manners. He�s hilarious. He�s a fantastic kisser. He�s flirtatious in a completely unsleazy non-lecherous way. He has a great work ethic. He works professionally in theatre (not as an actor but behind the scenes�that�s his day job. Cool huh? I have a lot of respect for people who do that full time because it is so tough to break into.) He is completely adorable�he reminds me of a big teddy bear. He�s really emotional and not afraid of being that way, but he�s very much a guy. I love his laugh. I love the way he looks at me sometimes. And I love the way he goes off on these random tangents that are absolutely inspired. He has this perfect blend of being responsible and down to earth but completely flaky at the same time.

And he�s not a project�do you know what I mean? As far as I can tell, he doesn�t have any huge issues about anything. He�s just a nice, sweet, normal guy.

In fact, he�s so nice and normal that I don�t really see how we could be involved in any long term sense. He barely drinks and I�m a borderline alcoholic. He�s stable and I, although incredibly happy, am kind of crazy all over the place. He wants to get married and have children, and the thought of anything like that gives me the heebie-jeebies. Now that I have finally become independent, I love it. I love living alone. I love not having to think about anyone else. If I were to ever have any kind of relationship with anyone ever again, it would have to allow for an enormous amount of freedom. Even if I had kids with someone I don�t think I�d want to live in the same house as that person. Kelly and Debbie think I�m just jaded and cynical because of what happened in the past, and though I�m not going to deny there�s a certain element of truth to that, I am being completely honest when I say that not being in a relationship has been the greatest thing for me ever. I am a much more together, happy, energetic person than I ever have been. I adore my life. I never feel lonely because I have tons of friends and so much to do.

Honestly, and this is going to come across as just awful, the only advantage I can see in being in a �relationship� is that you can have sex more often. But see, sometimes, that�s not even true.

It�s not that I don�t believe in love because I do. But I don�t believe in making a commitment to one person. The only thing I want to commit myself to is theatre. I guess maybe it�s just that I�ve already done that whole relationship thing, you know? I�m not sorry I did and as time goes by I have more and more fondness for that part of my life. But I feel like I got everything out of being �with� someone that I could have gotten. I mean I was �with� someone from the time I was 19 years old. And again, I�m not sorry. But I feel like I missed out on just being able to develop as my own person. I don�t feel the need to be �completed� by someone else.

I love romance. I love sex. I love intimacy. But I don�t want to �date� anyone. I don�t want to be anyone�s girlfriend. When I think of the term �Girlfriend� I think of the �Girlfriend� role in movies�someone of lesser importance. And I think of nagging and being boring and talking about who took out the garbage last and blah blah blah.

I�m not in any way saying that that�s all there was to my infamous relationship. There was wonderful wonderful stuff too. But I don�t think of the wonderful stuff as being the Boyfriend/Girlfriend part of the relationship. That probably doesn�t make any sense. Oh well.

Louisa May Alcott had the greatest quote:

I would rather be a spinster and paddle my own canoe.

I�ll drink to that.

Which John Cusack Are You?

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

Before After