Saturday, Apr. 26, 2003 | 7:00 PM

Right now I feel like making love. Not fucking, but actually making love to someone in that way where it's like your soul touches theirs.

Last night when I was hanging out at the bar playing pool with Jonee and Kelly and Debbie and the infamous A., there was a point where I had to stop playing and just watch them all because I was overwhelmed by the love that I feel for all of them.

I don't know that I was ever really capable of fully feeling love until now. Not that I didn't love in the past, but there was something blocking its full expression.

That's been happening to me so much lately. I just have to stop and take things in-- people and nature and books and music. I walk down the street and I'll pause in front of a tree and look at it for a full five minutes. I can't believe how much I took for granted in the past. A tree is such a beautiful thing. And I get to look at it and touch it and that alone makes a day special. I try to take some time every day to stop and just observe because there is such wonder in the world.

I sound like I'm turning into Jonathon Livinston Seagull I suppose-- I'm losing my edge and all my agendas. But I've never been more creative or productive or happier than I am now.

And I'm gonig to tell you something which will generate a certain amount of eye rolling, and that's fine. But I now believe in God. Absolutely and whole heartedly. Not in religion (blech) , but in a divine and all knowing benevolent force. And I've taken to praying every night before I go to sleep to give thanks for all the joys in my life.

Something incredible happened to me. I had a sort of divine experience and I don't know if I should recount it because I'll probably sound crazy-- the only person I've discussed it with is my mother because she's the only person I could imagine to actually understand it and nowe question its validity. My life as a result of this experience has changed utterly. I've been opened up and renewed. And the catalyst for it was the closest thing to a religion that I have-- theatre.

Everyone needs something like that, I think. And it can't be another person. It has to be a relationship you have with one of your God given gifts-- whether it's mathematics or writing poetry or humanitarian work or playing the guitar, if there isn't something you don't devote yourself to whole heartedly with every bit of love in your body and heart, you aren't really fully living.

But that's just my opinion.