Wednesday, Apr. 16, 2003 | 8:37 AM

Oh geez. Where to start? So much to tell. Busting at the seams, AND I still look pretty today. This is like some kind of record or something.

Here�s the first thing.

Yesterday after work, I spent a good two hours before rehearsal going over Act II�getting myself into that space of sadness and defeat necessary for my character�s dramatic arc. I was sitting outside our rehearsal space smoking cigarettes and reading through the script, when Director and Bobby (another cast member) come sauntering over. They sit down with me and we start gabbing.

I ask Director whether we are gong to run Act II, and she says that no, she changed her mind. We�re doing act I instead, and we aren�t running it�we�re pounding out all the messy points.

I mock frown.

OH!!!! I just spent two hours getting myself into an Act II Mood!

Director shruggs and laughs.

Oh well.

I elbow her in the ribs and say,

I guess all is not lost. At least I get to kiss Co-star.

Now, I say this completely jokingly.

Bobby and Director share a knowing look.

(Bobby, Director, and Co-star are all good friends in real life.)

Director says,

You know, Co-star said you are a great kisser.

I start blushing like crazy. And I have no idea what to say in response to this. Instead of directly addressing the comment, I giggle like a fucking school girl and Bobby and Director exchange another knowing look and then Bobby says,

So, are you and Co-star gonna hook it up or what?

I almost DIE of embarrassment, and I don�t know why. I mean usually I can be really frank about this shit, but for some reason this situation has reduced me to being about 13 years old. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? �Uh yes, I totally want Co-Star so bad I can hardly sleep.�?

I bluff, and say perhaps too harshly,

I don�t know what the fuck you�re talking about.

Director and Bobby smirk at each other. Director says,

Well, OK. We won�t start any rumors or anything.

So� what the hell am I supposed to make of all this? Of course now every time I see Co-star, I blush like a mutherfucker and avert my eyes from him. I just do not know what to do.

Rehearsal yesterday was spent mostly on choreography that has nothing to do with me, so I just hung around and talked to Mr. Wonderful. We had a great conversation about acting and I like him a lot but I think my crush on him is fading as my energy is being transferred to Co-star.

We didn�tt even get half way through Act I so I wasn�t able to kiss Co-star which is truly a bummer. At the end of the night he comes up to me and says with that great big smile,

Um, good-bye.

And we stand there all goofy and smiling at each other for a couple minutes until my friend Suz�s car pulls up and I drive off with her.

So I think that maybe maybe maybe, Co-star and I might like each other. The thought is exhilarating and completely terrifying.

The second thing is that I heard the recordings of the band that I might take over as lead vocalist for. And holy shit dude, they are fucking GOOD. I was really blown away. They�ve got this Cure/Echo and the Bunnymen thing going on and they RULE. I think it would be a lot of fun to sing for them. We�ll see�

So I guess that�s all the big news. I am just so elated right now that I can hardly even breathe. I look pretty and I love my play and I love everyone and everything and my family is coming up to visit on Thursday�we�re going to Walden Pond! And the play is like three weeks away and it�s outstanding. And I like this boy I think and maybe MAYBE he likes me but even if not it�s still fun to kiss him and

AYAYAYAYAYAYA Y !!!

La la la la la.

If this is a dream, please don�t wake me up.