Friday, Apr. 04, 2003 | 10:44 AM

I was gonna write about a buncha stuff.

Like how I bought a new phone yesterday and got voicemail. And how I watched Good-bye Columbus last night and it had one of the worst endings of any movie ever. And about how frustrated I am with people who don�t honor and serve their gifts and just waste time. And about how psyched I am that I�m gonna be spending the weekend with Danni and going to a couple awesome parties and hanging out with cast members and rehearsing.

But then I got an email that someone from my high school was just killed in Iraq. I didn�t know him. He was an army helicopter instructor. Upon reading the email, I couldn�t help shouting aloud,

No!

As though that�s going to help anything at all. A little protest in my office against senseless violence and death.

I am filled with such a horrible sense of helplessness right now, and all I can do is cry about it. There�s a Portland Oregon law in the proposal stages making protesting the war a terrorist act. There are seven college students at Wheaton who have gotten death threats for hanging their American flag upside down, which in military terms means a sign of severe distress. I have links to all of this and more in my blog if you wanna read the articles.

What the hell is going on with the world right now? What is going on in this country? I am so angry that we are sending men and women over there to die, and that civilians are being killed. Is this going to help anything? There�s a part of me that really hopes I�m wrong, that will make some kind of positive difference in people�s lives. But I don�t think that�s the case. I feel sick about it. It�s depressing me to no end.

All I can do is try to appreciate what I have in my life, stay informed, do that things I love to do, and continue being part of artistic projects that in some way make a greater point about the world.