Thursday, Mar. 27, 2003 | 11:15 AM

I don�t know why in my last entry I chose to dwell on something so dumb (Oh poor me I�m not pretty and no one will ever fall in love with me boo hoo) when everything right now is soooooooo wonderful. When I have such a beautiful life filled with friends and fun and creativity. And the thing is, I could be �pretty� in that stupid conformist sense if I wanted to be�I could starve myself down to the �right� weight, but you know what? I don�t care enough to do that. And it took me damned long enough to get over my eating disorder and I don�t wanna ever go back to that state of mind again.

What the fuck am I complaining about? I make out with people all the time. I am smart and funny and not horrid looking. I have a super job, I live in one the greatest neighborhoods in the whole world. I have amazing friends, I am talented, I am in a wonderful play�and yet still I focus on this idea that I�m not �pretty� and it becomes central to my life. I dwell on it, and it�s soooooooooo stupid.

I am 26 years old for fuck�s sake. I need to get over this�just �cause I had an abusive stepfather and a couple relationships that didn�t reinforce good self esteem in terms of my attractiveness doesn�t mean I need to feel bad about myself for the rest of my life. That�s lame. And it�s something I preach against to others all the time.

And besides, what the hell am I talking about? I am pretty, in my own way. And if other people don�t think so, then that�s their big fucking loss.