March 09, 2003 | 10:36 PM

I really cannot stand people who leave nasty (anonymous) guestbook entries in the diaries of those who suffer from eating disorders� be they pro ana websites or otherwise. I just came across such an entry in the guestbook of someone I don�t know and don�t read frequently, and it outraged me. And just the other day someone whom I do read frequently (and who most definitely is not pro ana, and is in fact trying very hard to get help) received a similar accusatory message.

Disclaimer: Yes, I do think that pro-ana websites , by which I mean those that offer tips and support on how to starve can aid in keeping people out of recovery, and can trigger relapses or even tip someone who is at the borderline of an eating disorder over the brink. I do think they can be dangerous. I certainly have felt when coming across such sites at vulnerable periods a yearning to participate in behavior I fought hard to give up and recover from. But such websites are symptoms of the disease, and oftentimes provide a valuable outlet�however irrational� for coming to terms with despair and hopelessness.

People who have not had an eating disorder have no idea what it is like to have one. The preoccupation with physical appearance is the surface trappings behind which a terrible emptiness lurks. Weight is merely the focal point for all kinds of other anxieties. The obsession is a defense mechanism, and is very much an addiction. Like all other addictions it provides the person afflicted a means of coping with a world in which she feels lost. Why do people become anorexic? Because it fills a deep-seated need. Whether it is rational or not is beside the point. Yelling at and belittling an anorexic about her complicity in enforcing anti-feminist or pro-death propaganda is not only a waste of time, but absolutely counterproductive. It merely serves to further wall off those with eating disorders from the �sane� outside world, reinforcing an us versus them dynamic and the sense of victimization inherent to anorectic pathology.

The anti ana movement is akin to those persons who would berate an alcoholic for drinking, suggesting that maybe he just� you know, lay off the booze and everything will be fine. This smug, self righteous and condescending attitude reveals not only a profound lack of compassion but a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to have an addiction. If it were that simple, no one would be an alcoholic or a heroin addict or an anorexic.

I also quite frankly do not believe that those who attack pro-anas are actually trying to �help� as they believe they are. The general philosophy behind such behavior seems to be that the pro-ana girls are an army of starving goons, maniacally attempting to coerce or strong-arm poor hapless victims into joining their insidious movement. For what purpose, I ask� to take over the world? To create a new race of super waifs? The fallacy is that somehow, these poor victims who are �brainwashed� into the Evil Empire suddenly become the same fascistic manipulators by whom they were preyed upon. The sheep, having been devoured somehow turns into the wolf. The inference is that pro-ana websites are the means by which these Evil-Doers turn previously healthy right thinking folks to The Dark Side of the Force. The anti-ana movement apparently has watched Star Wars one time too many, or perhaps Night of the Living Dead would be a more apt metaphor.

On the one hand, the anti-ana movement accuses the pro-anas of being weaklings for having bought into the dogma of Skinny=Beautiful. But then their apparent sympathies lie with girls they are assuming have exactly the same qualities�being easily corruptible and weak willed. So ironically, the belief system of the anti-anas has a fun house mirror correlation to the pathology of anorexia�the concept of victim-hood runs rampant through both. The black/white good/evil dynamic negates any possibility of real dialogue. Which is why the two sides are deadlocked in a tug of war struggle where there can be no resolution.

Do pro-ana websites glorify annihilative and harmful behavior? The answer is an eye rolling yes of course they do. But this is nothing new. The fascination with and lionization of self destruction is part of the allure of not only eating disorders, but heavy drinking and drug using as well. There is a mythical self martyring element in descending towards self inflicted hell. But to assume that such self glorifying longings are THE impetus for disordered eating is overly simplistic to say the least. There are many complex factors involved in what causes someone to become an anorexic. And there is no precription which can be neatly applied to everyone.

A term I�ve heard regarding the pro-ana movement, a very clever term indeed is Don�t stop talking about it, just stop selling it. I ask then, where does one become the other? And to assume that someone who is obviously ill would be able to make that distinction, which is a fine line anyway, is to assume that such a person isn�t ill in the first place.

My feeling is that the impulse behind pro-ana websites is a positive one, no matter how negative they are in execution. The fact that these girls are celebrating and owning their disease points to some desire to exert control over it and over themselves. Control is I think, the crux around which anorexia revolves. And if that impulse could be explored in a more therapeutic way, it might help to slice through the layers of denial surrounding such glorification.

Instead of yelling, berating, and attacking, why not try to listen? There is a great deal of rage to the anti-ana movement. A rage at narrow societal constructs, a rage at the epidemic of dysmorphia and wrong headed aesthetics that permeates our culture and is insidiously undermining not just women, but humankind entire. And this rage is real and it is correct. But it is misdirected.

One of the most important realizations an anorexic needs to come to is that she does indeed have a choice. She can choose to stop seeing the world through the eyes of Cosmopolitan magazine. There are other ways of living life. The morbid fascination that the anti-anas have with the pro-anas, and the vengeance with which they go about hounding them does not aid that realization�s fruition.

The best thing we can all do to rid the world from the scourage of eating disorders, and the beauty myth that fuels it, is to go about creating a different and better reality. Support magazines like Bust and the work of women artists who don�t fit into the narrow confines of what is acceptable. Love yourself. Love your body. Love other people�s bodies. And ask yourself why you feel compelled to attack another woman who is obviously in a lot of pain. You might find out some things about yourself you don�t want to confront.