January 26, 2003 | 12:17 PM

In the past, I�ve had intuitions about upcoming events that were highly upsetting to me. When I would talk about them, more often than not expressing myself in a highly inappropriate manner, I would be told I was �crazy�. In the end, my predictions would usually turn out to be dead on.

What I�m learning right now is that it�s better to keep these things to myself. I have a pretty clear sense of what�s occurring right now, at least in so far as it pertains to me, but there really isn�t any reason to shout it from the hilltops. It�s not my place to judge and so I�m not going to. Everyone has a right to his/her own experience. We all have to go through things that are painful and upsetting to come out on the other side. Someone else standing over you while you�re in enormous pain and saying something like

You know, I bet you a million dollars in six months blah blah blah

or

I just had this psychic feeling that the reason you�re doing blah blah is because of blah blah and so you should do XYZ instead.

just makes things much worse. It isn�t helpful to anyone. In the past I�ve attempted to control and manipulate other people, usually with what I believed to be the best of intentions, but it only causes great damage.

This morning I feel deeply saddened by the pain of others. And I am deeply saddened by misunderstandings and lost connections. I have written numerous letters which I have not sent because I know that what I�m saying won�t really be heard and regardless of how plain I make myself, my meanings will be skewed. And I have no interest in defending myself nor do I wish to interfere with anyone�s experience. I know that nothing I say is going to be helpful to anyone, least of all myself. And also, I know that a very big part of my healing process has to do with more or less extricating myself from a vicious circle and distancing myself from something that has caused me an enormous amount of pain over a very long period of time.

There is a much bigger picture here than what is on the surface. There is so much opportunity to gain greater insight and understanding of who we are and what we are here to do.

I send so much empathy to everyone and everything. And I send the knowledge that often you have to break down all those walls to get at the truth. That sometimes what seems really negative, like freaking out or getting violently angry is the first step in a positive spurt of growth. It may not seem that way at the time because it certainly feels horrible, but usually it�s a sign that your defenses are breaking down which can only be a good thing in the long run. I�ve gone through that and I can honestly say I�ve become a better person for it.

And that being said, I�m going to take myself out for a big fucking breakfast. And you should too.

OK-- I just checked up on my astrological stuff and here is a transit that's been going on for me since New Years and will continue to go on until February.