January 15, 2003 | 10:49 AM

The dream I dreamed last night all night long I think, was an epic motion picture about clones and reincarnation and war with Iraq and sex and all sorts of other things. And this dream has blown my mind. I woke up and I lay in bed thinking about it for almost an hour. I've never dreamed a dream like that-- there were riddles in the dream I had to figure out, and I did. This has happened before but this time when I woke up I remembered them and what they meant. The riddles had to do with prescribed patterns of behavior.

The book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was mentioned and talked about a great deal in the dream. I'm not going to give a plot summary or anything (don't worry), but I am bowled over by it.

After periods of depression, remarkable things start happeneing to me. All of a sudden, teachers of all kinds (people, books, my own dreams) come out of the woodwork and I learn so much so quickly.

Like last night I dropped my sister off at the Stupid Company and you know what? There was absolutley no residual pain for me at all over anything that happened there. It was just nice to see people, and it was no big deal. I realized in a moment I was completely over all sorts of things I didn't realize I was over-- I just had to be confronted with them for a moment. Remember in Labrynth when Sarah tells the Goblin King,

You have so power over me.

And the world shatters and she's back in reality?

It was sort of like that (except unfortunately David Bowie wasn't there)

I felt so much lighter and better and this amazing sense of relief washed over me that I don't have to worry about being haunted by those aspects of my past anymore.

While Bethy had her training session, I went to Kitty O'Shea's which I haven't been to in ages and I had a nice relaxing dinner by myself. I had three beers and fish and chips and I read Frank McCourt's 'Tis. And it was jolly and relaxing.

I picked up Bethy at around 8 o' clock. And on the train ride home we had one of those life changing conversations about relationships, and her insight was so dead on and I felt even better than I had been feeling, which is something because I'd been feeling rather terrific all day.

So yeah, that's what's up for me. I think that my periods of depression are often the last stage of a dying part of myself, if that makes sense. And I feel like I've thrown off something weighty and painful that's been bogging me down for a long time. It feels pretty damned good.