April 17, 2002 | 9:54 AM

8D) ## Harvard Ave

When we first move into Harvard Ave, the svelte me is hungry all the time. I have been starving myself for months. My eyes are dull and my hair is limp.

People tell me I look great but I feel hollow inside. I�m not strong. I am weak and exposed. The men I love aren�t paying any more attention to me than they did when I was fat. I am co-worker. I am roommate. I am nobody�s lover. Especially not my own.

I begin thinking to myself, what is the point of this? Nothing has changed.

After realizing that my life still sucks whether I am thin or not, I begin eating again. Reticently at first, but then with great gusto.

Twinkies.

Ho ho�s.

Those 99 cent cheese curls.

All disappear into my mouth and into the void of my lonely soul.

The only trouble is that they reappear in great gooey gobs of flabby flesh

I gain weight.

Lots and lots of weight.

It is so sudden that it is as though I wake up one morning fifty lbs. heavier than I was the previous evening. I can�t yank my jeans up over my ass. I develop a double chin. My arms flap in the wind like bed sheets hung on a washing line. My stomach has grown to such circular proportions that I fear it will take off and start orbiting the sun.

All the svelte curves I�d starved so hard for disappear beneath an avalanche of pudge.

I am on the receiving end of strange looks at the Stupid Company. Most of the women there resemble Barbies. It is an unspoken truth that fat people are not appreciated.

When I step on the scale in my gynecologist�s office, she can�t help looking horrified.

Do you realize that you have gained sixty-five lbs. in two months?

I sigh. My shoulders slump. I am so fat that the hospital gown I�m wearing won�t close all the way. The vast landscape of my backside is exposed.

I say nonchalantly,

Jesus. That�s a hell of a lot of weight, huh?

Dr. Pearlstein nods.

Yes it is. Has your diet changed at all since I last saw you?

Well, I�ve definitely been consuming a lot more crap.

Tell me what a typical day is like

I don�t usually eat breakfast. For lunch I go to McDonalds and get a cheeseburger and fries. Then for dinner I eat popcorn or Chex Mix or something. I might have some M & M�s or a bowl of ice cream or something too.

Dr. Pearlstein cringes.

That�s pretty unhealthy.

I am lackadaisical.

Yeah I know. Thus the sixty-five lbs.

Dr. Pearlstein stares at me for a long moment.

Maybe. It seems like an awful lot of weight to gain in such a short period of time. Even if you are eating poorly. Have you ever had your thyroid checked?

I shake my head no. She asks me about a bunch of symptoms.

Do I feel tired all the time?

Am I depressed?

Do I have dry skin and an oily scalp?

Do I have dandruff?

I answer yes to all of them.

Then Dr. Pearlstein says,

You�ve been complaining of irregular periods. And occasional strange sores showing up under your arms, correct? And acne that won�t go away right?

I am so embarrassed. I hate talking about these things. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic.

Yeah. That�s all true.

Have you ever heard of PCOS?

I stare at her blankly.

Dr. Pearlstein continues.

PCOS�Polyscystic Ovarian Syndrome, is a syndrome revolving around insulin resistance. There are a lot of different symptoms associated with it that seem unrelated, and one of them is unexplained weight gain. When was it that you first had a weight problem?

I feel like crying. I don�t want to cry in the fucking doctor�s office. I take a deep breath and choke back tears.

Well, my mother thought I was fat from the age of six, and put me on all these queer diets. So I don�t remember ever really not feeling fat, even though I look at pictures of myself at that age and I was pretty skinny. I first actually had a real weight problem when I was in middle school. Like when I first reached puberty.

Dr. Pearlstein nods.

I am going to run some blood tests on you, because I have a hunch that there�s something going on here besides bad eating habits.

After leaving Dr. Pearlstein�s office, I venture to the lab for my blood tests. The technician spends 45 minutes arguing with my veins until one of them bleeds for him.

I am a fat messy lump of flesh and I can�t even bleed correctly.

Shortly thereafter I get a call from Dr. Pearlstein�s office. The results of my tests have come back. Dr. Pearlstein would like to see me ASAP.

Three days later I am back in her office.

She looks pleased with herself.

It�s as I suspected. Your TSH levels are significantly elevated, which means you have hypothyroid. And the chemistries I ran were pretty off. Your free testosterone for one is really high. With all of your other symptoms I would feel comfortable diagnosing PCOS as well.

So what does this mean?

Dr. Pearlstein paces back and forth across the office.

Well, I am going to hook you up with an endocrinologist who will be able to treat you most effectively. You�ll be on thyroid medication for the rest of your life, and that should make a big difference for a lot of your symptoms. You won�t feel so exhausted and depressed. The PCOS is trickier to treat. Some people respond well to glucophage, but some people can�t stand the side effects. In any case, low carbohydrate diets seem to work very well for a lot of people. And exercise is extremely important to treatment. And you need to know that PCOS puts you at a much greater risk for heart disease. So you really must quit smoking. And drinking too. Drinking is not going to help things at all. There are also some experimental treatments that can be looked into. But the endocrinologist can talk to you more about that.

After leaving Dr. Pearlstein�s office, I go home for the rest of the day and rock back and forth on my bed while listening to The Beatles.

I am numbed and in shock. This information changes so many things. If only I had known this years ago before things got so out of control.

I think to myself, at least I�ve caught it now before it gets any worse. And at least I have health insurance to treat it.

I have an endocrinologist�s appointment set for six weeks from now.

Little do I know that it will be too late by then. At that point, I will have lost my health insurance.

And my mind.

Stay Tuned For Part The Fifty-Second...

When I wake up early in the morning

Lift my head, I'm still yawning

When I'm in the middle of a dream

Stay in bed, float up stream

Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me

Leave me where I am - I'm only sleeping

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy

I don't mind, I think they're crazy

Running everywhere at such a speed

Till they find there's no need

Please, don't spoil my day, I'm miles away

And after all I'm only sleeping

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window

Taking my time

Lying there and staring at the ceiling

Waiting for a sleepy feeling...

Please, don't spoil my day, I'm miles away

And after all I'm only sleeping

When I wake up early in the morning

Lift my head, I'm still yawning

When I'm in the middle of a dream

Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me

Leave me where I am - I'm only sleeping

Read the SAGA from

THE VERY BEGINNING

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

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