Saturday, May. 29, 2004 | 5:13 PM

I am so nervous right now. Like teeth chattering nervous. Playing the rock n' roll sans booze.

Just one drink. JUST ONE FUCKING DRINK.

Nope. Not gonna give into that voice.

This has been very very easy for the most part. But it's times like this of emotional stress, of having to go out in front of a crowd and be vulnerable that scare the shit out of me. Sure, I do it no problem in plays. But playing the rock n' roll is different than doing a play. Because you can't hide behind a character. You're YOU. And also, people especially in this town, who listen to rock n' roll are far less polite. All I can think of is that I'm ugly and fat and people are going to laugh at me.

This is stupid. STUPID.

But fuckin' A man. I want a Long Island Iced Tea so badly right now.