Friday, May. 07, 2004 | 12:39 PM

Last night was band practice. It�s great to be back in the swing of the band after two weeks off (that was due to Company.) I love the band.

We worked on a new song that Matt wrote for me to sing. It�s got organ and it�s all retro soul and I get to tear it up. As Matt says, it�s my Ball and Chain. I actually feel a little like Joe Cocker when I sing it.

Then we went back to Matt�s for a few minutes to drop some shit off. While we there I asked him,

When did you realize we were meant to be together?

Well, I think I always knew that.

But when did you actually consciously know?

That Sunday when Ivy was over. And then it crystallized when you sent me the letter a couple days later.

Angus thought the letter would scare you away.

It would scare a lot of people because it was so real and honest. But you know what I thought of when I read it?

What?

You know when John Lennon sings, �What in the world you thinkin� of/ laughing in the face of love.�

Yes.

Well, I kept thinking of that. And then it all made sense.

After that we went out to karaoke where the whole cast of Company was there to meet us. And everyone was cheery and in high spirits. And of course everyone is thrilled that Matt and I are together (it�s so great to be with someone whom all of the people in your life think is amazing and good for you.)

And I sang �We�ve Only Just Begun��for Matt of course.

We stayed the whole night and we kept making out and being goofy, and it�s funny how now I�m one of those people I used to roll my eyes at. There isn�t a drop of cynicism left in my body.

On the way home we talked about making love and about what we mean to each other and all the things we want to do together. And tonight he�s coming over when he gets out of work and we�ll spend the evening in bed and watching Dr. Zhivago and reading poetry to each other.

He�s so romantic. So beautiful and kind and completely perfect.

I think this is really and truly it for me.

I think I�m going to marry him someday.