Monday, Apr. 26, 2004 | 2:16 PM

I�m freaking out right now.

Freaking. Out.

It�s funny how when you want something and then you get it, it erupts into all these other wants. I�m scared of wanting so much. I love him and now something has been unleashed and I�m fucking terrified. Sex DOES change everything. It was so beautiful being with him. So tender and sweet and awkward and beautiful. I don�t know that I�ve ever experienced anything quite like it.

I don�t want to be hurt again. I feel so vulnerable and exposed and I just know he�s going to tell me it was a one time thing. And I�m in love with him and I want to be with him. And I hate myself for being so weak to want that. If I could have anything right now it would be to be back in his arms.

Love is such a powerful ferocious thing.

Please don�t hurt me. I�ve really had enough fucking hurt to fill a lifetime. And I love you in a way I never thought I could love another human being. Just let me love you. That�s all I want.