Friday, Nov. 28, 2003 | 12:39 AM

Everything is suddenly so fucking clear. So perfect. I�ve been slogging along attempting to get it�to get what I need to do next. Finally giving up. And then of course to turn this corner after accepting defeat against my demons. I feel so serene. I know exactly what I need to do.

Wow�I re-read that and it sounds like the last note from a crazy person who�s planning to go kill the president or something. I haven�t lost my mind or anything like that. I feel wonderfully sane. I feel like everything in my life has lead right up to this. I can�t write about it. Just around it right now. I still have to let it sink in and crystallize.

I went into the Spring of 2002 hating Neptune transits. Now I love them. I feel so grateful to have gone through every single thing I have gone through. All bitterness has drained away. I feel like I finally put all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together, and I can see the big picture. It�s a road sign and it�s pointing me in my next direction.

It�s all about love, I think.

I love you. I really really do.