Sunday, Jul. 13, 2003 | 10:31 AM

Do you know what I wish? I wish there was a machine that could magnetize and distill feelings. There would be some doohickey thing you would put on your head�like say a great metal hat. And then there would be some IV type thing you�d hook to a vein. And you could set the machine to a range of emotions�resentment, fear, anger, hurt�whatever. And those emotions would come dripping out of you in their respective bright colors, through the IV and into a nice silver dish.

You could do with them what you wanted. You could water your plants with them. Or you could force feed them to someone you disliked (see, here�s what it�s like to feel this way, you schmuck.) Or you could let them congeal and build a pretty sculpture with them.

But the important thing is that you would get them out of your body. Because I think that walking around with certain feelings long enough will most likely kill you.