Monday, Jun. 16, 2003 | 12:07 PM

I was gonna write a big thing about everything that happened this weekend, but I don�t feel like it right now.

Suffice to say it definitely ranks as being one of the greatest weekends of all time. I don�t know if it could be possible for the weekend to be any better.

The show was lovely and I was so touched that Sean and Danni and Gonzo came up for it. So many people I loved were there and it was great to play with Alamada�she was outstanding and everyone loved her songs. We had a massive turn out and the bar manager was really happy�we made more money than I�ve ever made singing, and that was swell. He wants us to come back, and we�re going to record when I get back from vacation and shop our act around to piano bars all over Boston�both of us are super ambitious and driven and she�s even more assertive than I am which is so nice.

And she's gonig to be my accompanist for the big conest I'm enteriung in March-- if I win it's 10,000 dollars. I will wipe out every last bit of debt that I have. And quite frankly, I am going to win. I know it.

My Mom and sister were at the show, as was Ivy and so they got to meet her.

Yesterday night Ivy came over�

It was�

Well, it was something I don�t even feel comfortable sharing right now. I just wanna savor this feeling I have. I forgot what it was like to feel like this about someone. How it�s like you open up every part of yourself and you just bloom. And I�ve never had this feeling before without getting really really hurt or encountering all these terrible obstacles�usually right at the get go. This is the first time that it�s ever been easy�who knows if that will last. Anything could be around the bend, but it�s so nice to care this much for someone and feel safe doing so. I�ve changed a lot in the past year and the way that I relate to people is a lot different�I used to be so infantile and controlling and manipulative. I think I�ve worked through all of that, and I think maybe that�s made a big difference in terms of the types of relationships I�m capable of having. I�ve had a bad habit in the past of giving my heart to people who unwittingly trample all over it. And Ivy just likes me exactly for who I am and I like her for who she is and it�s amazing. In the past I always felt diminished and insecure and now I feel exactly the opposite. I don�t know what I did to deserve this beautiful, brilliant, kind, funny person.

I like her so much that I just want to cry right now because I�m so happy. It�s so rare to meet someone who turns you on in every way possible. I still don�t know exactly what�s going on between us, and you know what I don�t care�I don�t need to put it in a box or label it. I don�t want to be anybody�s girlfriend and I don�t want to pick out dishware or any of that stupid bourgeois boring crap. It�s just amazing to connect with someone on this level. To be someone�s lover and friend and care so much and be cared for so much.

I can�t even write anymore about this right now because I�m so overwhelmed at the moment that I think I need to go have a cigarette and pull myself together. My career is on the up and up and so is my personal life and I can�t believe how lucky I am. I am so happy that I can hardly even take life�it�s all just too beautiful to bear.