Thursday, Apr. 17, 2003 | 9:07 AM

So the reason I broke down crying yesterday had to do with something that happens in a scene at the end of Act II�a scene I�m not in and was just watching. The scene wasn�t working at all. We all started talking about what specifically wasn�t working and what might motivate one of the actresses to push the scene to a level where it might work.

When actors get stuck like that, it often helps to talk things through or to provide some insight if you�ve been through a situation in �Real Life� similar to what the actors are portraying on stage. Mr. Wonderful shared something from his personal life that related to the scene, and so did I�our experiences were strikingly similar. The infusion of that personal information pushed the scene to an entirely different emotional space when the actors played it again�there was something really truthful and bold about the performance. Watching it was painful. It hit a very raw nerve. I won�t go into it any more than that. If you come see the play, you�ll know what I�m talking about.

The scene still isn�t quite there yet, but there were moments of such harrowing honesty. If the whole scene can ring as true as those moments rang last night, then hot damn�we ought to win a fucking Tony.

I did not get to kiss Co-Star last night. I was really really bummed. I don�t know how long this Looking Pretty thing is gonna keep going for me and I�d really like to take advantage of it while it�s still there. Hopefully it will last the run of the show at least.

After rehearsal was The Good Life for a half dozen chocolate martinis. Me, Director, Stage Manager, Vocal Director, and Mr. Wonderful sat around and gabbed for several hours, although Mr. Wonderful had to bail early. I like him so much as a person. Now that my crush on him has faded, I just fucking dig him as a human being. He�s so insightful and talented.

Anyway, the conversation between all of us was really intense. I feel so close to these people�I always feel closest to people in the context of a creative working relationship. It�s no accident that I was involved sexually and emotionally with my previous musical partner. And that I am now falling so hard for Co-star.

Oh yeah�much talk about that situation yesterday.

Vocal Director said to me that Co-Star and I had incredible chemistry onstage. Director started laughing, and being a tad drunk and not capable of playing dumb, I looked at her and started laughing too and we each knew why the other one was laughing. She asked me

So when are you and Co-Star going to hook up?

And we had a huge discussion about my feelings for Co-star and the dynamic between us and how that�s playing out onstage and yada yada yada. And Director said,

Well, you and Co-star hooking up has my full endorsement.

I think for the sake of the play it is probably better that I keep the sexual and emotional tension where it is right now. I think that actually getting involved sexually at this stage in the game (except onstage of course when we make out�YOW) might slacken the dynamic between us. I�m not even allowing myself to (ahem) interfere with myself until after the show is over, and I have decided that I will not be making out with anyone until the show is over either�I wanna keep the sex thing heightened. I think it works so beautifully for my character to be on the verge of this sexual awakening, and I want all of that starry eyed wanting to be there.

Today my family is coming to visit. I don�t have rehearsal until Tuesday. I don�t know how I am going to be able to handle that. I am like, addicted to working on this. I need it. The thought of not seeing these people for five days is unconscionable.

I hope next rehearsal I get to make out with Co-star.