March 07, 2003 | 10:17 AM

I had the strangest dream last night.

I dreamed that Senator John Kerry had this famous monkey that would accompany him to charity events and perfrom tricks. One day, fed up with having to perform all the time, the monkee escaped from his mansion. It found it�s way to my apartment building where it climbed up the fire escape and broke my window to get in.

The monkee started making a great big mess and I was very nervous. But my boss (who in the dream lived with me) was very calm, and made friends with the monkee. The monkee became like her little child and she fed it lots of apples and bananas. It slept in a bed with her every night and was just as cute and sweet as can be.

But after awhile, the monkee got home sick for Senator Kerry so it left, and my boss and I were grief stricken.

I miss that monkee.

Will someone please buy me a monkee for my birthday?