February 27, 2003 | 2:26 PM

GAH!!!

So for publicity purposes I have to type up a 50 word biography of myself for The Musical. What to say ladies and Gents? Here are some ideas:

Anna believes in love. She doesn�t believe in hate. She likes puppies and kitties also. But not rats. If she sees a rat, she will shoot it dead. Then she will feed it to one of her puppies or kitties. She would that is, if she had a puppy or a kittie. She doesn�t any more, because she ate them all. That�s why she is starring in this musical instead of her puppies and kitties.

Professional ice-capades star Anna Pxxxx makes her Boston stage debut after coming off the popular �Fat Blue Slags On Ice� tour of the former U.S.S.R.. She dedicates her performance to her Mom, and of course to the Nazi party, without whom this musical never would have graced Broadway.

If you don�t think that Anna is the most talented person on this stage tonight, then you are a stupid stupid whore. And she will hunt you down and stick a fork in your forehead. Anna was a champion baton twirler in high school, and two time finalist in the North East Regional Pie Eating contest. She thanks Jesus and Senator Strom Thurmond (R- South Carolina)for their love and support.

Regional theater credits include Kaye Lannie Ray Rafko in Roger & Me: THE MUSICAL!, Featured Soloist in Up With People�s September 11th Memorial Extravaganza, some small part in an Andrew Lloyd Webber flop that no one remembers, and Judd Fry/Sad Cowboy Clown in the Roundabout Theater�s revival of Oklahoma directed by Sam Mendez. Anna enjoys knitting and watching Cross Fire and she smells like a Macy�s Perfume Counter.