February 19, 2003 | 12:30 PM

God this must be so boring to read. Feel free to skip it. I promise things will get more interesting once I actually start rehearsing.

I�d been in some weird wonderful limbo stage, and things hurt but they were also beautiful in so many ways. And then I came to decisions and the balls were no longer in the air. Everything I�d allowed to levitate, full of possibility, crashed to the ground. The finality of it all.

Everything is OK. And thing are going to be fine. And this is all for the best for everyone concerned, not just me�I know it is. It�s better to call something broken when it�s broken, instead of trying to piece it back together to a facsimile of what it once was. Covering things with duct tape and bits of string and calling them healed just doesn�t cut it.

Cross purposes.

Everything ends. Absolutely everything in the world ends. As it should.