February 02, 2003 | 6:55 PM

So yesterday was quite possibly the greatest day in my adult life�no kidding.

It began with the Cabaret Call Back audition, which went from 12-6PM. The entire first two hours consisted of dancing. Does anyone have any idea of how hard it is to dance for two hours straight�to do kick lines and sashays and ball chains for 120 minutes with no break?

The routine we had to do was fucking hard, and I was terrified, because 1) I am heavy and out of shape and 2) I haven�t danced other than club dancing since I was like 17 years old.

But I was pretty good. I held my own. My body was capable of doing things I didn�t think it could do. I certainly wasn�t excellent but I didn�t suck at all.

And I had a total blast. It was exhilarating.

The rest of the audition was acting and singing and I felt so full of joy just to be there at all. I rocked severely. I was not nervous in the least. Every scene I read and every song I sang I nailed dead on. And I met some super nice people.

When the call back was over, I went to the liquor store and to the supermarket to pick up stuff for my little dinner party in honor of my sister�s birthday.

I made chicken french, garlic mashed potatoes, and sourdough bread.

Jonee, Jeremy, Kelly, Tara, and Debbie all came and we drank and drank and had lots of fun.

Then, the telephone rang. And it was the theater company director.

My living room fell silent as I had the following conversation on the phone:

Director: Hi, Anna this is Director from Blah Blah Theater Company. How are you?

Me: Great, thanks.

Director: I know we told you not to expect to hear anything from us for a week, but we�ve already made up our minds about you, and thought we�d let you know.

Me: OK. Great.

Director: We would like to invite you to play Fraulein Schneider in our production of Cabaret.

Me: Oh my gosh, that�s great. I�d love to.

Director: Oh fantastic! I can�t tell you how thrilled we are to have you. We�d wanted to cast the character age appropriate but you just knocked our socks off so much in every way that we changed our minds.

� Blah blah and so on.

And when I got off the phone, I looked at all my drunk stoned, happy friends, told them the news, and everyone applauded.

It was the greatest feeling ever. There were so many people in that room who I love so much, and for them all to be right there with me when I found out something so terrific, so entirely life changing was thrilling.

The party went on and it was shits and giggles. Jeremy sang Bewitched which was so beautiful. I love his voice. We listened to Bat Boy (fucking great) and we played drinking games and discussed every subject under the sun. Debbie bought Bethy a birthday cake. It was chocolate and tasted like heaven.

And just when it couldn�t possibly have gotten any better�

At the end of the night, something surprising and delicious and intimate and grand and exciting happened. Something passionate and intense and real. Something that provided me with a kind of healing I desperately needed. It was an experience that I think in the future will be one of my very favorite memories, and I won�t say any more about it besides that because doing so would spoil it. Except that it happening some how magically washed away years and years of feeling bad about myself� feeling ugly and unwanted and undesirable. What a gift. I haven�t stopped smiling all day.

This morning I woke up and I felt beautiful and smart and loved and happy. I have everything I could possibly want in my life. I love my home. I love what I do. I love my friends so much that my heart aches with good feeling. I am letting go of the past and dealing with a natural grieving process. I wish people well and am letting them live their lives. I have survived a long dark night of the soul and have come out of it a far better, kinder, more compassionate, more patient and understanding person. And life is showering gifts upon me faster than I can tare off the wrapping paper.

I can say that finally, today I fucking love who I am. All of the intensity and the depth of feeling and the self absorption and everything. I finally feel like I don�t have to change for anyone, to be better or different than exactly what I am. I couldn�t have scripted a better way for things to turn out. It�s like living in a god damned Hollywood movie.