January 11, 2003 | 11:24 AM

Being a singer and desperately missing singing on stage more than anything (hint hint to someone who may be reading this) I think I'll devote this entry to singers I love and singers who are my biggest influences (not one in the same some of the time)

1. Marc Almond of Soft Cell

Marc Almond�s voice is like velvet and gunmetal. Sensual yet stylized. His delivery is vulnerable yet winkingly ironic. He is one of the most underrated singers/performers of the past thirty years. Marc Almond did a fucklot more than sing �Tainted Love.� The thing I like best about him is that above all else he serves the song which is to me the first commandment of being a good singer, and the reason why people like Mariah Carrey, Whitney Houston and the entire cast of American Idol make me want to vomit. If in order to be fully realized, the heart of a song requires a certain degree of theatricality, that�s great. It�s not that I don�t like drama in my music�think Kate Bush, Etta James, Axl, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain. But not drama for drama�s sake. I wanna tell all the divas to stop fucking singing to their own reflections and showing off. It�s disgusting and it�s hubris and it�s ruining the art of singing.

2. Janis Joplin and Karen Carpenter

The reason I grouped these two together is that they represent the polar extremes of both my vocal ability and my personality, which is something I hadn�t fully realized until today. Karen being the eager to please, wanting to fit in, control freak. And Janis being the hedonistic, who-gives-a-fuck, whiskey soaked non-conformist. Both of them though can be distilled down to an essence of vulnerability and longing. And I like to play with those two ends of the spectrum which meet in the middle and make something better than the sum of its parts.

3. Chrissy Hynde

I just love that she has so much energy and attitude but sings so prettily and there�s that great catch in her voice sorta similar to Patsy Cline.

4. Liz Phair

Vocally I am not similar to her at all, but I really dig how conversational she sounds when singing and the total lack of pretension or affect. There�s an intimacy to her singing that completely makes up for any lack of technical proficiency.

5. Sandy Denny of Fairport Convention

She has that phenomenal traditional folk ballad singer voice but isn�t as painfully earnest as someone like Joan Baez. Her diction drives me fucking wild. I wanna cum all over the place whenever I hear �Who Knows Where the Time Goes.�

That�s probably the first time anyone�s said that as Sandy Denny is pretty austere and asexual but dude, I am just all into her.

6. Poly Styrene of X-Ray Spex

Because she�s one the first women to really SCREAM and give a big fuck you to the male dominated punk rock scene.

7. Anne Wilson

What can I say about Anne Wilson besides the fact that she just kicks so much ass? She�s like hard rock�s Ethel Merman. Her belt is one of the best I�ve ever heard.

8. Bono

Go ahead and laugh. i don't care. I love him, so fuck you.

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Maybe I'll add more to this later.