December 19, 2002 | 1:46 PM The Her Debacle
Last night I was woken up at 3AM by a very long and drunken message being left on my answering machine. Who the fuck is that?, I asked myself, not being able to place the voice. And then I realized. It was Her. I don�t think I�ve ever mentioned Her in this diary�maybe in passing, but not extensively. Her was one of my bestest friends ever and the two of us were involved sexually for awhile. I really really loved Her. And Her basically abandoned me. Just stopped returning my phone calls and cut me out of her life. I remember the last call I made to her maybe eight months ago saying something like, I love you so much and life is so short. The thought that someday I might die and look back and realize you weren�t as big a part of my life as you could have been makes me sad. Please call me back because I care for you deeply and you are incredibly important to me. I never heard from Her. And so, I gave up. In that way you finally give up in your soul�you know? Not just telling yourself that you gave up (I do that ALL the time), but surrendering a relationship to the extent that it�s just gone from your life and you scarcely think about it So anyway, Her leaves this long long long answering machine message the gist of which is, I love you I love you I love you and need you and I�m here in Boston and I need to see you and hold you blah blah blah. And the whole time she�s leaving this message, I�m sitting on my bed paralyzed with a kind of emotional terror, thinking, Why the fuck does this always happen? I have to decide whether I want to see Her again and open up that whole can of worms. Oh fuck it. I probably will. Life�s too short to hide from love (Jesus did I actually just say that?)
time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011 31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008 Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008 Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006 Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006
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