May 29, 2002 | 6:08 PM Anger
This is all I know. Right now I feel angry angry angry. I am angry that Jenn lied to me when I asked her about her apartment search yesterday. I am angry that she didn�t say anything about her decision to live with John. I am angry about everything she said about future roommate situations up to yesterday. I am angry that John never loved me the way I loved him. I am angry at how things worked out. I am angry that the dynamic of two important relationships in my life changed right under my nose and I had no say in it. I am angry at myself for being angry. I am angry at myself for being jealous. I am angry that I can�t move into my new apartment tomorrow. I am angry at John for telling me I have no right to be angry. I am angry at the way I go about making decisions. I am angry that I question whether my feelings have any validity. I am angry that Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head. I�m angry that Clinton enacted the Telecommunications Act of 1996. I am angry that I can�t think rationally. I�m angry that John and I never did anything with our music and probably never will. I am angry that my dad died. I am angry that Joel died. I am angry that Scott died. I am angry that John never left the Stupid Company. I am angry at Angus for fucking with my head. I am angry that George Bush is president. I am angry that there�s a Gap in Central Square. I�m angry that Felicity is off the air. I am angry that my favorite dress has a cigarette burn in it. I am angry that one of my dresser drawers is broken. I�m angry at people who pick their noses in public. I am angry that I owe the video store a lot of money. I am angry that the love scenes in the new Star Wars movie aren�t better. I am angry that I allow other people to talk me out of being angry. I am angry at Arafat and Sharon. I am angry that Sebadoh hasn�t put out a record in years. I am angry that I tend towards being maudlin and self-pitying. I am angry at Courtney Love and Dave Grohl and Krist Noveselich for battling it out in court. I am angry that I feel like a huge fucking fool. I am angry that I feel guilty for telling people I�m angry at them. I am angry at my ex-stepfather for stealing my mother�s money and not paying child support for his daughter. I am angry that my little sister has to have such a terrible father. I am angry that I can�t stop smoking today. I am angry that I�m fat. I�m angry that I wanna have sex with someone and there�s no one I know who I wanna have sex with. I am angry that I didn�t get any sleep yesterday. I am angry that too many people I know read this diary and I�m angry for telling them I have it. I am angry that I can�t see the forest for the trees. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK. Anger. Up and down my back, my spine, in my brainIt injures me, babe.... Anger, can make you old, yes it can I said anger, can make you sick, children... oh Jesus Anger destroys your soul Rage, there's no room for rage in there There's no room for rage in here line up some place to go to be mad It's a sin to treat your body bad When anger really gets the best of us We've really lost our heads We often say a lot of things, oh darlin' Wish we'd never said Oh, reason is beyond control And the things we do in spite Makes me ashamed And I mean this, baby, makes me want to put things right Someday soon I hope and pray like Jesus I'll reach that wiser age Hope I will learn I really never never profit >From things I do in rage One more time-anger, more anger When it's flaming hot Anger burns to the bitter end Know what I'm talkin' 'bout When it cools I find out too late I have lost at love, love, love, dear friend I said, anger will make you sick, children, oh Jesus Anger destroys your soul I ain't gonna let you get the best of me, babe I'm gonna go somewhere and cool This is not the way my head's supposed to be, babe You've got me feelin' like some silly fool But I know a real nice place where I can go And feel the way I'm supposed to feel I don't want to be mad at nobody I don't want to be feelin' bad Up and down my back, my spine, in my brain It injures me, babe Anger, can make you old, yes it can I said anger will make you sick, children, oh Jesus Anger destroys your soul Anger Anger --Marvin Gaye
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