March 05, 2002 | 11:44 AM

7M) ### Thurston Street

Ronnie always talked about the kind of girl he was looking for�blond, buxom, blue eyed�you know, your standard Play Boy jerk off fair. So it never occurred to me that he and Jenn would get together. Not that Jenn wasn�t beautiful�she had that sexy bookworm quality, but I never would have though she was his type.

He certainly wasn�t her type. Jenn was a daydreamer. She was romantic. She had long- term crushes on post-graduate poet boys. She was a virgin and incredibly shy. She hadn�t even made out with a boy before. Ronnie was a dealer, for chissakes. And he�d definitely been around the block.

It was like one of those fifties movies where the good girl in the poodle skirt gets on the back of the greaser�s bike and rides off into a happy ending adventure.

At first John and I were highly amused by the situation. But life isn�t a teeny-bopper exploitation flick. And Jenn and Ronnie weren�t Olivia Newton John and Travolta.

The first hint of ugliness happened shortly after Christmas.

When Ronnie first moved in with us, he was working as a Security Guard. The job paid almost nothing and he hated it. Around that time my former roommate Madeline started doing promotional work for Winston cigarettes. The job consisted of handing out cigarettes in bars while sipping free drinks. It was flexible and paid decently. I knew how unhappy Ronnie was at his current position, and being my scheming self, I hooked Ronnie up with the Winston job.

At first it worked out beautifully. Ronnie was thrilled to have a job that gave him so much autonomy. Since there were only evening hours, he could sleep as late as he wanted. This was a bonus, as Ronnie was not a morning person. Also, he wound up making a shit load of money; Ronnie had figured out a way to sell some of the Winston cartons on the black market. It was a good deal. He was rolling in dough.

Then right before the New Year, Ronnie was suddenly flat broke. He began bumming money and food off of Jenn and pot off of John and I. He told us a big story about how his job had fucked up payroll thus delaying his monthly check. Everyone felt bad for him. This went on for quite some time.

Then one day Madeline came over to hang out with John and I. Madeline had left the Winston job a few months ago but still good friends with her former boss. Madeline let slip that the boss had told her Ronnie was fired weeks ago for falsifying information and never showing up.

I was shocked. Ronnie had just spent half an hour telling me about what he did at work last night and how he could hook me up with an extra part-time job there.

There must be some mistake.

Madeline shook her head.

I don�t see how.

I thought about Ronnie�s behavior over the last month or so. My jaw dropped. Suddenly it all made sense. There was silence and then I blurted,

Rent is next week. How the fuck is he going to pay the god damned rent?

After Madeline left, I couldn�t get to sleep. I wasn�t mad at Ronnie for being fired. I was mad that he was lying and manipulating us into taking care of him.

I thought about a conversation Ronnie and I had while James was staying with us. I thought about how pissed Ronnie was at James�s freeloading ways.

Poor Penny has to bust her ass working while this, this... guy just sits around at home? Maybe I�m old fashioned. I think if a woman wants to work then hell, she should work. But if anybody�s gonna support anybody, a guy should look after his girl. I can�t fucking stand lazy bastards who make their wives or girlfriends support them. It makes me sick.

Night after night I�d seen Jenn supply Ronnie with food. And Jenn was working for pennies at a non-profit publishing company. She was barely scraping by. Ronnie�s behavior far surpassed James�s in terms of bastardliness. At least James wasn�t a liar.

I was so upset that I called in sick the next day.

As usual Ronnie was hanging around the house in his pajamas, scarfing down Little Debbie Snack Cakes and watching The Game Show Network. Normally this wouldn�t have bothered me. But now that I knew the truth I was appalled and infuriated with him for wasting so much time. I spent the entire day avoiding him.

Just to make sure that there wasn�t a misunderstanding, I called the Winston Job and asked if I could leave a message for Ronnie. The person on the other line snorted.

I�m sorry. He doesn�t work here anymore.

Do you have any idea when he stopped?

Hmmmm.... You know, it was awhile ago. I don�t even remember.

That cinched it.

John and I discussed Ronnie�s joblessness over the phone. Was it even our business? We agreed that it was, as whether Ronnie worked affected our ability to pay rent. Thus we came to a decision that this situation fell under the category of being a Roommate Issue and that Ronnie must be confronted. Since it was a Roommate Issue, it was only fair to tell Jenn.

John and I met Jenn for coffee that evening. I told her the situation in as objective a manner as possible, being careful to not impart how pissed off and hurt I was. After all, I didn�t want to upset her.

She was upset anyway. She was crying.

What kind of person lies to his girlfriend about something like this? Doesn�t he trust me?

I could see a 16 year old lying to his parents in this type of situation, but Ronnie was 27 years old, for chrissakes. I didn�t have a good answer to that question.

It occurred to me that asking Ronnie to move in was a grave miscalculation on my part.

When we arrived home, Jenn, John and I sat down with Ronnie and told him the jig was up. Or rather, I told him the jig was up. Nobody else spoke. Ronnie silently stared at the floor.

Listen, what you do or don�t do is your business, and if my friendship isn�t important enough to you to be honest with me, there�s nothing I can do about that. But you have a responsibility to pay the rent here, and as it stands now, you don�t have a job and haven�t had one in quite awhile. Is that correct?

Ronnie nodded.

If you want to continue living in this apartment you need to find a way to come up with rent and bill money. Otherwise you have to go.

Ronnie apologized profusely. He told us he was embarrassed that he had lost his job and that he thought we wouldn�t like him anymore if we found out. He told us that right away he would go out and get another job and he would be able to pay rent on time this month and every month after.

He spoke passionately and his eyes were sad and pleading. Against my better judgement I found myself actually feeling sorry for him. That�s the kind of sucker I was back then.

It only occurred to me later that if he had really meant what he was saying, he would have started looking for another job long before that conversation, instead of spending his days glued to the TV, bingeing on snack cakes.

As it stood then, I left the discussion feeling reasonably OK about things.

Long after, I would find out that Ronnie spent the remainder of the evening screaming at and berating Jenn. In his mind it was somehow her fault this had happened to him. She should have prevented us from conducting that embarrassing intervention and she should have stuck up for him. Jenn internalized all this and felt horrible about it.

I wouldn�t be aware for a long, long time of just how fucked up their relationship really was. And just how crazy Ronnie could be.

Stay Tuned for Part the Thirtieth...