November 28, 2002 | 1:28 PM

In this dream I am a columnist belonging to an elite group of intellectuals similar to the Algonquin Round Table.

John is also a member of this club and the two of us have been dating.

To my chagrin I realize I have become pregnant (for the millionth time) and I go for an abortion.

The abortion clinic is in a beautiful brownstone on beacon street. John accompanies me there.

I lay on a table for what seems like hours and the doctors futz and argue around me. John sits in a chair in the corner growing more and more irritated about the amount of time he is wasting and the fact that the doctors haven�t even started the procedure yet. I become more and more upset and start sobbing uncontrollably. I do not want to be having this abortion but I feel like there�s no other choice.

Suddenly, the door opens and a dozen or so people walk into the clinic, two by two. They are all wearing blue and white ceremonial robes ands masks. They say they are trick or treaters.

I look at them incredulously and size up that trick-or-treaters would not normally be collecting candy from abortion clinics.

I jump off the table and hide under it just as the people in the ceremonial robes (who are actually right wing zealots) pull out AK-47�s and start blowing away everyone in the room.

John has jumped under the table with me and the two of us pretend to be dead. All around us lay doctors in white coats, soaked in their own blood, their faces in horrified grimaces.

I tell myself that if I make it out of here alive I will not abort this fetus�that I will take it as a sign that this baby is special.

John and I make it out of the clinic alive.

Immediately after we get out of the clinic, John suggests we go to another clinic around the block to take care of business.

I tell him that I love him and that I�ve had a revelation�that I cannot go through with this or Any other abortion ever. That I am keeping this baby and I think that what the two of have and what we�ve been through is signifigant and special enough that we can ascend to some other level.

John gets red in the face, irritated and annoyed by my decision. He throws a tantrum and screams,

Well isn�t that just like you. Only thinking of yourself and what you want. What about me? What about what I want from life? I don�t want you or some fucking baby. I thought I made that perfectly clear.

At this point I wake myself up sobbing.

I think this is the worst dream I have ever had.