November 28, 2002 | 10:42 PM

My brother drives a 1986 Pontiac Fearo, which is like the ultimate James Spader circa Pretty In Pink rich pimp jock feathered hair high school student suburbia mobile. And dude, it�s GOLD. It corners like it�s on rails (3 guesses as to which movie that�s from.)

He just gave me a ride in it and it was heaven.

Great Thanksgiving.

We went over to Sandy�s house and I of course had to sing millions of showtunes for everyone, as did my grandpa. That always lifts my spirits and thrills me to death. My grandfather has the most beautiful baritone I have ever heard. He would have been a famous singer probably if his whole family hadn�t died and left him to fend for himself and his younger brother.

I am planning more and more my exodus from Boston�two years or so. The plan is either to go to New York and start performing or pick up classical music at a university.

I�m communicating with this guy who has a jazz combo in Boston and needs a singer. We�ve made plans to get together when I get back next week. And I�m taking acting next semester. And I�m also looking into voice lessons as well. I�ve been told innumerable times to take up opera. First of all, I have the pipes/breath for it. Secondly, nobody cares how fat you are in the classical music world. It�s irrelevant.

So basically, lately I�ve been picking up where I left off six/seven years ago when I got all stupid sidetracked and lived in an alternate universe. It feels good to have some kind of plan and not just be drifting all over the place. The past life regression has put everything much more into focus for me as well. Your purpose in life, your art, what you have to share with the world�that�s the thing. The rest of it�all the drama and the stupid fucking pain and loneliness and WASTE of people sitting at desks and twiddling their life away and the self medicating to make it seem bearable (yeah, I�m talking about myself here and not just about me either)�yuck. It�s just shadow puppets and distractions. It�s meaningless.

Frequently I get lost and forget this. But overall, I move consistently in the right direction and honestly honestly I am really happy and proud of myself (I know�shut up Anna, but whatever) and I have been working towards what I need to do. I fuck up and fuck up and fuck up again but I just get up and keep moving towards my rightful destiny. And things are really all in all, fucking good.

It�s snowing out now, and it�s beautiful.

I feel truly happy.