November 13, 2002 | 9:19 AM

Now that I have a long term goal, I feel far less restless. And (hey you, don't try to talk me out of it. I'm having too much fun planning./

I�ve been riding the Harvard shuttle to and from work over the past couple days and it takes less than 20 minutes both ways. It�s also free. God knows why I ever bothered with the #66 bus. I will never take that bus to work again. It was depressing too, driving through Allston past my old apartment every day. I really don�t like being reminded of the past. I am a sentimental person by nature, but I can very easily move forward as long as I�m not consistently confronted with my own history. Really, the only thing personal history is good for is learning from your mistakes, and appreciating (in an unattached fashion) the events and people who contributed to making you who you are. But it�s an absolute waste of time to dwell or feel all nostalgic.

Also, I like the Harvard shuttle route much better. It circles Harvard yard then goes through central square and then across the Charles to Boston Back Bay, up Beacon street through kenmore and then the Fenway area up to Longwood ave. It�s a very pretty drive.

J. (the new boy) sent me a sexy email this morning that has made me feel blushy and swell. One week from Friday is our date. He looks a lot like Denzel Washington. I hope I don�t act like a tongue tied fool. I wonder if he�ll try to get me into bed. He�s made some hints. I sort of hope he does.

Hey�there are so many people whose names begin with J in my life�Jonnee, Jenn, Jessica, Josh, John, Jeremy, Jessie, and J. (the new boy). I don�t know why I don�t want to write his name down. Is it that I am just copying Jonee? I don�t think so. Writing his name makes me feel shy. I don�t want everyone to know his name yet.

Am I forgetting anyone whose name starts with J?

I am really looking forward to going away for Thanksgiving and being with my family. I really miss my family, and I really want to spend some time with my grandma and with my Mom.

This year, my mom and I are going away to Toronto for New Years eve. I think that will be fun. J. (the new boy) already mentioned doing something, but I don�t want to spend New Years eve with a boy (I mean, a man. He�s 36 for fuck sake.) It makes me feel squirmy and roped into something. I think I have turned into a commitment phobe, and actually, of that I am quite glad.