November 12, 2002 | 10:55 AM

So yesterday I ate something.

I ate eggs and bacon.

I was so hungry I just couldn�t stand it anymore and I felt dizzy and weak and like I desperately needed protein.

Those were the best bacon and eggs in the world. I don�t regret eating them at all. This cleanse was seven days long and I think that�s really all I needed. In January I�ll probably do another one.

I am thinking strongly about moving to New York. Not anytime soon�probably two to three years from now.

I dreamed about New York several times while on this cleanse, and I thought about what I really want to do with my life. I did some free form writing, and I thought back to what my childhood dreams were. All I ever wanted to do in my whole life is perform. Up until the point I met John, that was the only thing that mattered to me. I had my whole life planned out based on music and theater and then I got derailed by my feelings for a boy (which is terribly embarrassing) and was willing to give it all up for (blech) love, and the possibility of marriage and a family. Luckily, it didn�t pan out that way because I don�t think that�s where my destiny is at.

I look at my life and it�s wonderful. I am very happy and grateful for my swanky job, my great apartment, my caring friends, etc. etc. But something is achingly missing. This just isn�t what I want. I don�t want to sit at a desk all day for the rest of my life. And I don�t want to have a �real job�. I need to feel a little scared and challenged and deeply engaged and passionate. I need to take some serious risks in order to be happy. I think that�s why I�ve had such problems deciding what exactly I want to do with my life. Sure I have lots of interests, but my heart is in music and theater. That�s it. That�s all I want.

And it ain�t gonna happen here in Boston.

So I ruminated over it this the whole weekend. Then yesterday Jenn came over for tea, and out of the blue she brought up wanting to possibly move to New York in the next two or three years because she wants to continue her publishing career and can only go so far in Boston.

Synchronicity.

I�ve applied for a couple of part time jobs already as well as a consolidation loan to get rid of all my debt and start socking money away.

I also conducted an online apartment search for New York , and honestly it seems less expensive rent wise there for decent areas in Brooklyn and Queens than it is to live in decent areas of Boston.

I�m getting in shape, walking all the time, losing weight, and next semester I�m going to take an acting workshop. At the rate I am going, there is no reason why I won�t be fit as a fiddle in within the next couple of years.

I have gotten off track for seven years and I�m running out of time. I can still pull that all- or- nothing- If -I �can- make- it- there- I�ll- make- it- anywhere- throw- caution- to- the- wind- and- follow- your- dreams- bit, but after five years or so I will most likely be too old.

So yeah, I think I�m committed to doing this. And it feels good. Two to three years gives me a lot of time to plan.