November 04, 2002 | 9:31 AM

Yesterday I was feeling terribly depressed [not because of anything anyone did, so if you�re reading this and feeling bad and wondering if you upset me, don�t because it wasn�t about you] and spent the greater part of the day sleeping and crying. Just moody. So much has been going on lately.

Debbie called and invited me to dinner and I didn�t call her back because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

So she and Josh actually drove over to my apartment anyway, knocked on my door, and dragged me out.

Sometimes I can�t get over how lucky I am.

I really really really love Josh and Debbie. And I�m not saying that because they�re reading this. I just love them. I love spending time with them. They make me happy. And I feel more comfortable around the two of them than I do most people I know. They are a couple. And they have their problems. But they care so much about each other and it�s really heartening to see that they actually work through things and are making such an amazing effort. And they both are so smart and fun and just lovely to be around. And I love their apartment and their kittie.

Josh made Ziti Alfredo with chicken and broccoli and tomatoes and red pepper. Oh man it was so fucking good (I was going to start the cleanse yesterday but I�m starting it today instead.) It was melt in your mouth heavenly. And there was really good bread as well. And of course wine and cocktails (apple martinis�yum. And the best THE BEST THE BEST bloody mary I have ever tasted in my entire fucking life�no joke. I�d sell my own soul for another one.)

After dinner Debbie was cooking food to bring to work the next day (some kind of breakfast club thing where you have to feed everyone once a month when it�s your turn�I�m sure she�ll explain it in her diary). She made these blueberry crepe roll up thingies. And I am not kidding when I say that they might have been the best food I have ever tasted in my life. Like I almost orgasmed over this fucking pancake thing it was so amazing.

So I had the best dinner and the best cocktails and the best dessert and just the best fucking TIME. And I love them so much because they are two of the only people who understand that what I need desperately is to be dragged from my house. I hide from people and the world and I tend to wall myself off when I�m sad. I make myself scarce. But Debbie and Josh always understand that I need to be taken by force. Most people don�t make that kind of effort (quite understandably�they shouldn�t have to), but Debbie and Josh do and that means more to me than just about anything. Emily was like that too. And Jenn definitely is as well. God, come to think of it, I really have amazing people in my life.

I guess in a cheesy round-about way what I am trying to say is that when I said in my other entry that I don�t feel loved a lot of the time�well Josh and Debbie make me feel loved. And I love that. Because I really love them.

Oh yeah�I heard such good fucking music yesterday too. I ripped Debbie and Josh a bunch of CD�s so in turn Josh made me a punk rock dance mix and ripped Thriller and Off the Wall and he introduced me to Taj Mahall, who is now my new favorite guy in the world. And a bunch of Jamaican music that I actually liked (including this cover of Country Roads which was truly brilliant). And the Wickerman soundtrack which is sooooooooooo awesome. And Heavens to Betsy and Bruce Springsteen and Prince and this indie band I can�t remember and Ladytron and ohmygod it was just the best music night of all time.

Also, the three of us decided we�re going to host a series of parties based on certain periods of history. Josh and Debbie are going to have a Weimar Republic party where everyone has to get all cabaret style dressed up and listen to Kurt Weil and Josephine Baker.

And I am going to have a post war dinner party at my apartment in a couple of weeks. Everyone will drink martinis before dinner. And I will serve ritz crackers and american cheese for auredeovres. Dinner will be meat loaf, wax beans, cheesy potato casserole, apple sauce, mashed potatoes and gravy, and Ovaltine (spiked with brandy). Dessert will be pudding and Jello shots. And of course more cocktails. Background music will be a combination of lounge records, Perry Cuomo, Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney, Dinah Shore, and Kay Star. I think there should also be some post dinner dancing (like a conga line and the rumba and shit like that)

Of course, everyone has to dress up. Tara has to come because she does the best costumes.

Another party we are panning in the future is the Andy Warhol Exploding Plastic Inevitable party.

And of course, prom is still in the works (this week ladies?)

At around 1AM or so, I just about passed out on the couch and Josh took me home.

It was such an amazing evening.

All in all, this weekend has been a resounding success.