October 11, 2002 | 10:41 AM

I wanna say first off that I love men. I truly do. Most of my really close friends are men and I treasure them. I can think of a dozen men off the top of my head who are amazing friends whom I love and respect.

The key word being friends.

Basically what I want answered is the greatest cliche of all time-- what the fuck is up with men and relationships?

In the past two days I�ve had conversations with several close girl friends of mine about men being jerks in the context of �romantic relationships�. The men in question who are behaving like jerks are actually really good guys (at least I can vouch for the ones that I know personally.) But they�re just clueless once they become �boyfriends�. I mean, why is that? Why are men so absolutely amazing to hang out with and drink with and go to record stores with and have sex with, but the second you�re �involved� with them, they all become idiots? Ok I�m generalizing�not all men, obviously. And I�m not saying that women can�t be jerks too. I know they can. I know I�ve certainly been a big jerk in the past in various ways-- nagging, yelling, sulking, etc.

But the kinds of shit men pull just boggles my mind. For example, saying one thing and doing another, cheating, not being able to make up your mind, loving you one day and ignoring you the next, always looking out for some more pussy, being resentful of being tied down, not responding to emails and phonecalls, etc. etc. I just don�t get it.

And I know that women can behave in a similar fashion, but it seems like women who behave in the manner I just mentioned actually are jerks, usually reviled by their own sex�manipulative and generally uncaring. Whereas the men who act like this are often really great guys who suddenly turn into bastards once you date them. Does this change as men get older? Please tell me that it does. Because I�m seriously ready to throw in the towel and join a convent.

I know I�m generalizing and I expect to get guestbook messages about how people are people and you can�t pin one set of behaviors on one half of the human race and sanctify the other�how that�s just a stereotype blah blah blah. And to that I say, obviously it�s a stereotype. Obviously not all men are one way and all women another. But I�m just noting general trends that I�ve seen in people I know, and I find it really disturbing.