October 09, 2002 | 10:20 PM

I�m starting to feel much better�back to my old self. Went for a long walk by myself. Listened to Donovan. Drank some tea. Smoked some cigarettes. Worked on my paper about the causes of the Great Depression. Tomorrow I go back to work. I�m nervous about that. I hate being out sick and then going back. I feel all discombobulated. I mean, they�re my sick days�I have a right to them if I don�t feel well. But still, I always feel guilty about it. Stupid, right?

What got me so sick I think is this: I miss my ex-boyfriend. There I�ve said it. Now we�ve both publicly stated it in our diaries and life can go on.

This weekend I'm having Josh and Debbie for dinner. I am going to make chicken french. And mashed potatos with goat cheese. And some kind of delcious vegetable. And some good white wine.

But for right now, I'm back to cleansing. 'Cause I feel like after the debauchery that was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I need some cleansing. I gotta scrub body and soul clean so I can dirty 'em up again with some hootin' and hollerin' next week.