October 02, 2002 | 8:49 AM

I am totally fucking serious about this. I�ve been thinking about it for a long time.

I want to have a prom. I want to have a combination punk rock/ 80�s teen movie prom, if that makes sense. I want to rent out a big hall, have Ross or John N. and Geoff DJ, make a big thing of spiked punch, and have a fucking prom.

I want everybody to dress up in whatever prom duds they wanna wear whether it�s a classy strapless black dress or a 1950�s pink tulle number with whale boning or a light blue tuxedo with ruffles or a 1980�s aquamarine taffeta nightmare with huge bows at the waist.

I�m not exactly sure why this idea appeals to me so much, or why I spent the better part of an hour thinking about how I could pull it off yesterday. Because I actually had a great prom experience in high school. I shit you not when I say that my prom really was out of some idealized sitcom. I had a gorgeous date, a great dress, and I had an absolute blast. It�s not like I�m looking to make up for something. I guess I just really like the idea of prom.

Except at my prom, all the music would be fucking awesome. It would be all the music you wanted to dance to at your prom that you requested and of course the DJ didn�t have. The theme from Shaft. What Do I Get? by the Buzcocks. Get Into the Groove. Grandmaster Flash. Marvin Gaye. Off the Wall. The fucking Misfits. Joan Jett. Don�t Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston. Iggy. Bowie. Liz Phair. The Slits. Blur. Orbital.

And the slow songs. Dude�I would make sure the best slow songs in the world were played. Hold Me Now by the Thomson Twins and Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears and Pictures of You by the Cure. And Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want and How Soon is Now (yeah dude, in my book that�s a fucking slow dance song) and I Don�t Remember Guilford by Robyn Hitchcock. Everything in Its Right Place by Radiohead.

And at my prom people would smoke pot in the bathroom. And on the wall there would be torn out magazine pictures of David Hasslehoff and Luke Perry and maybe in the chillout room there would be a porn going on�nothing crappy, something good like Wicked Weapon (don�t ask me why but I really like that movie�something about Jenna Jameson as a superhero. I don�t know�despite the boob job she�s pretty empowering in that one.)

Yeah dude, prom. I�m so all about it.

Wanna go with me?

(Day 15 of the cleanse... whoo hoo!)