September 22, 2002 | 11:31 AM

I am on day five of the fast.

This is truly one of the most intense few days I�ve ever experienced. So much more has happened than just the physical aspects of cleansing.

I feel like I�m cleansing my entire life, and my whole past. My dreams have become vibrant and strange and so eerily real�they are recreations of past moments, down to an absolute T�like I�m participating in a re-run. Last night I dreamed of walking to school my sophomore year, but it wasn�t dream like at all�I was there. I felt exactly what it was like to be 15 years old�my body, my thoughts, the scenery I passed.

And in waking life, it�s even stranger. Music is especially weird. Right now I�m at work and playing all my MP3�s on random. And Tomorrow by Morrisey came on. And all of a sudden I was transported. I can�t describe it and it sounds so cliche. It wasn�t like remembering being a certain age and hearing that song, not even in that very strong memory sense where it takes over your body and you can smell or taste the memory. I mean it was like I was there. Like I was transported somewhere else.

This really frustrating to write because I just can�t put into words what this experience is like. It�s kind of like being on mushrooms. Again�trite simile. There�s just nothing in I can compare it to. All of my senses are heightened and my rational abilities are sort of muted and just taken over by sensation and the boundaries between consciousness and memory and belief are all blurred and it�s like being in a painting where all the colors start melting into each other and there�s no form but there is theme.

It makes dealing with work and real life difficult. Very difficult.

At least I have Tuesday and Wednesday off.

I sort of feel like hiding under my desk right now.

I feel like I�m shedding everything. And just emerging as something else. It�s really crazy. I wish I were just sitting by the ocean or something right now.