September 09, 2002 | 8:49 AM

Sometimes you hear something�an offhand remark not in any way noteworthy to anyone besides you. There is nothing offensive or inflammatory about it per se. It�s just the implication behind it.

And you�re not misinterpreting anything. It�s very obvious.

Pretend that we�you and I, gentle reader are best friends. And I ask you, What was the best day of your life?

.

And you say,

Oh that�s easy. November 23rd 1995 was the greatest day of my life. I won three hundred dollars on a scratch ticket and I got to go on a pony ride and I kissed this beautiful girl who I�d had a crush on for years and years. And my mom made meat loaf and mashed potatoes for dinner...

etc. etc

And I, your best friend, stare at you in horror as you go on and on about this perfect wonderful day.

Because not only was that the day my mom died, you were the person who�d (accidentally) run her over with your truck.

And you�re not trying to be a jerk when you go on and on about how this day was the greatest day of your life. You just don�t remember.

Because compared to you winning cash on a lotto ticket and kissing a cute girl and eating mashed potatoes for dinner, it wasn�t all that important to you.

I am of course making an analogy.

And the moral of the story is this. If your best friend runs over your mom with a truck, and then doesn�t remember the day it happened, that person probably isn�t�nor was he ever�your best friend.

And you should go out of your way to push him as far out of your mind as possible.

Because you certainly aren�t in his.