June 19, 2002 | 9:58 AM

I slept for almost twelve hours yesterday. Or perhaps slept isn�t the right word.

The correct way of describing what I did for twelve hours would be to say that I was in a deep Nyquil induced coma. I did not cough at all nor did my nose run during this period of time. Nor do I remember having any dreams, which is unusual for me as typically my dreams are quite vivid.

Today I am hungover and groggy and can�t think straight. I am working twelve hours today (by choice) and then over to Suki�s house for some gab and good times.

Then home and more Nyquil.

I look like absolute shit today.

Here�s a story.

Matt�s grandmother went to a little league game once and as each inning progressed, she got more and more into it.

While sucking on her 7-11 slurpee and taking itty bitty bites of her hotdog so as not to lose her dentures, Matt�s grandma would shout words of encouragement to the tykes on her grandson�s team.

Hey shortstop, play a little more infield!

Hey you, Red head, steal second! Steal second!

There was a blond pigtailed girl on Matt�s team who played in the outfield, and whenever an easy fly ball came her way she would miss it. It became clear to Matt�s grandma what the problem was. This girl was only using one hand to catch the ball instead of two.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, the opposite team popped an easy fly towards the blonde pig tailed girl, who sure enough only lifted her right arm in any attempt to catch the ball..

Matt�s grandma yelled,

Hey Girlie. Why doncha try using both hands!

The stands grew deathly quiet save the sound of several gasps.

The little blond pig tailed girl dropped her glove on the ground and wailed.

A man sitting in front of Matt�s grandma turned around and shook a finger at her.

Lady, I don�t care if you�re old. You are a sick heartless person. You think it�s funny to go to little league games and make fun of the players? If you weer a man I�d deck you.

Matt�s grandma was confused. She had merely offered words of encouragement. She certainly wasn�t trying to hurt anyone�s feelings.

it was then that she noticed the little blond pigtailed girl walking off the field carrying her glove and her hat with her right hand.

As the little girl came closer and closer to the stands, Matt�s grandma noticed that she only had one arm.

Matt's grandma felt terrible, but for some reason all she could do was laugh. Her laughter rang out across the field like the Liberty Bell (prior to being cracked, of course)