May 25, 2002 | 6:19 PM

I have new pants. They are so awesome. They are of a light cottony fabric and wide legged and black.

My Mom and I went walking through Highland Park today. It is one week past the lilac festival and everything is in bloom.

There was a small pond filled with fish. The fish were so beautiful�bright red and copper. And they were huge. They glided through the water like ballerinas across a stage. I asked what kind of fish they were and the caretaker told me they�re goldfish. I thought goldfish were supposed to be really tiny.

No. They grow in porportion to the container in which they find themselves.

How neat. Sort of like people if you think in metaphorical terms.

Then we walked to the Rochester Vietnam Memorial. There was this granite sculpture of a Marine walking into a wall and merging with it and it was so intense. I almost started crying but I didn�t.

After our walk, me, my brother, and Mom went out for lunch and got some ice cream. We kept running into people we knew and my Mom would brag about me.

Anna works at Harvard and she�s getting an A in her metaphysics class. She just got housing through Harvard. She�s doing so well. Yada yada yada.

It was really embarrassing, but it�s so nice to feel how proud my Mom is of me.

After lunch we went to the cemetery where my father is buried and I was glad to go. I think my dad would really be happy for me now. I like the spot where his ashes are buried. It�s right under a willow tree. His headstone is granite and is next to the headstone of a baby that died in the early 1800�s. The baby�s headstone was in massive disrepair and was suffering from neglect, so my mom paid to have it refurbished.

Across the way is the gravestone of a man who lived from 1948 to 1971. So young. On his stone it says,

Goodnight sweet prince

which if I remember correctly is from Hamlet.

I wonder who he left behind. I wonder who chose that quote.

Tonight I am making my family dinner and then we�ll watch a movie.

I�ve been thinking a lot about what I need for my new apartment. I have a lot of furniture, and John is being really cool about how we�re dividing stuff up, so there isn�t really a whole lot I have to get. Here�s my list:

TV and VCR

Coffee table

Dresser

Desk

PLANTS!

Wine glasses

That�s basically it. I figure I can acquire things slowly.

I also remembered that my Mom got me this zen waterfall thingy that John always made fun of me about and didn�t want me to put up. AND NOW I CAN PUT IT UP. I know it sounds cheesy, but I like the sound of it when I�m trying to fall asleep. Also, I�ll finally be able to hang up that John Lennon drawing John hates. YEA!

SO EXCITED.

I�m going to move in late August and then go to Cape Cod with my family for a week. The same motifs occur again and again in my life. This reminds me so much of 1997 when my house burnt down and I went to Cape Cod and then I moved into the apartment in Somerville and it was the first time I had my own room and my own space. That was a great year.

Life is a symphony.

Don�t let somebody else conduct it for you.