May 21, 2002 | 9:29 AM

May 21, 2002

WOW!!!!

Dear Diaryland Peeps,

I love you all. Thank you so much for all of the emails and the guestbook messages. Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU.

When I came to Boston I was very very broke. And my life was miserable. Not because I didn�t have any money, but because I didn�t have any control�or rather I didn�t believe I had any control. Ever since that experience, I have been terrified of poverty. And I have surrounded myself with things that make me comfortable. But comfort and happiness aren�t the same thing. Comfort is an illusion, one I have grown addicted to.

I spend money on all kinds of meaningless trivial garbage. Expensive nights out and junk food and alcohol and drugs and clothing I don�t need. I was talking about this yesterday with my boss (the coolest woman on the planet), and she said,

What you spend your money on should be a reflection of what you value spiritually.

Her words were a revelation. Do I want to invest in gluttony? In escapism? In frivolity? NO!!!!! I want to invest in autonomy and adventure and education. There is a time and a place for debauchery but it is certainly not life�s purpose. I have been throwing money at my own insecurities for too long.

So.

Here�s the deal with the apartment.

I don�t yet know what month the lease starts. I probably won�t find out for a couple weeks. If it starts in August or September, I�m going to take the apartment. If it starts earlier than that I am going to have to rethink it as an option, which isn�t to say that I definitely won�t take it, but it would be really difficult.

I will keep you all posted.

And again, you are all wonderful and I want to thank you so much

Love,

Me