May 06, 2002 | 9:03 AM

Whenever anyone lists me as a favorite, I always go and check out their diary.

Last night, someone added me to his favorites list, and he wrote the following comment in his profile:

whiny, melodramatic bullshit..... i'd be ashamed of myself if I were this lame

Since I�d been reeling from a pretty upsetting weekend (having broken up with my boyfriend and also the anniversary of my father's death fast approaching) I was a little stung, although the comment is somewhat fair�I mean, I am whiny and melodramatic at times, and anyone who doesn�t like me probably wouldn�t for that reason. I know what my shortcomings are and if someone thinks I'm lame because I wear my heart on my sleave and tend towards crying jags and the like, that's cool. I probably wouldn't like that person either.

But.

I read the person�s two entries, and I realized who he is.

He�s He-Man from this entry in John�s diary.

I�m not going to link to his diary here because it would be immature, but I found it comforting to know that the person who wrote the above comment is the most pretentious, mean spirited, selfish little fuck on the planet. His girlfriend reads my diary a lot and I�ve corresponded with her. She�s a very nice person and I hope that I�m not hurting her feelings by saying that her boyfriend is a fuckwad with an ego the size of Montana who treats her and every other woman in his life like total shit.

What�s funny is this little cocksucker was in my apartment a couple weeks ago, hanging out and drinking a beer. His roommate is a good friend of John's, and John always likes to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so he was nice enough to invite Mr. Ass Coquistador upstairs. I'll have to remember to wipe down the seat upon which He-Man sat to get all his pretension germs off. I wouldn't want anyone in my household to catch his social disease and start blabbing about dead German philosophers in a meaningless and shallow context like our good friend Mr. He-Man.

In his diary, He-Man pontificates on Hegel and comes across like the generic, bored, apathetic, intellectually hollow undergrad brat that he is. His diary is called, �Fuck Off� which might have been original in 1977 when Johnny Rotten said it but is now boring and pasee.

Except of course when I say it�

Fuck off He-Man, you asinine shit eating little coward.

And K., you should dump him because you can do a lot better.

Oh, and by the way He-Man, should I ever come across you in a bar or something, be prepared to have your fucking foot stomped on and whatever quasi-intellectual "look at me reading this very intelligent piece of literature" type book snatched from your lily white hand, and whatever drink your consuming thrown in your face. Boys like you make me fucking sick to my stomach. You give the male race a bad name.