April 27, 2002 | 2:28 PM

Why is it that all of the boys I know well want to be fucking Bukowski?

Angus calls at noon drunk-- he's been drinking since 8AM.

Mweh mweh Mweh selfish selfsih selfish.

I eventually hang up on him because he's beiung so goddamned obnoxious. He's supposed to take me to dinner later with some friends, but we'll fucking see.

I felt so great about myself yesterday after emailing with Jessica and um...having a really good time by myself for the evening... Girls make me feel awesome. And boys just make me feel like total fucking shit.

Here's the various ways men in my life treat me: they ignore me, deny me sexual affection, choose a fucking corporation over my love, tell me they're in love with me and try to seduce me and then act like nothing's happened later on, use me as their god damned fucking therapist or their fucking Mommy, treat me like they're doing me some big fucking favor by just being around, and a host of other asinie behaviors.

It's all fuck wad abuse and I'm so mutherfucking sick of it.

I just want to be fucked and adored and treated like a best friend. Is that such a fucking huge thing to ask?

I think I am going to switch to girls. Seriously. I can take cattiness over ignorance and brutality any god damned day.

I am making a vow right now to never allow men and their idiocy to affect me ever again.

I'm serious. From now on I am going to be totally heartless.