April 25, 2002 | 4:06 PM

(second SAGA entry of the day)

8L) ## Harvard Ave

When I get to Angus�s there are two thirty packs of Budweiser on his kitchen table. I add my thirty pack of Red Dog to the mix.

We are drinkin� poor now.

Angus is sitting on the falling-apart loveseat in his bedroom, his arm slung around Emma Pelegrino�s shoulder. He is in the middle of a speech and gestures for me to sit down in the chair across from him.

....because the thing is I really tried. I really fucking tried. I tried to save everyone�s jobs. I was told that everyone�s jobs were saved. I figured this might happen to me. But I didn�t fuckin� care. I didn�t fuckin� care. Fuck this fucking bullshit. Nobody should have lost their god damned jobs.

Angus turns and looks at me.

Especially you Anna. For fuck�s sake. That should not have happened.

Emma nods in agreement.

I sigh and pop open a Red Dog.

The three of us sit in silence for a couple of minutes.

Then Lynn bounds in.

Oh my God you guys. Ohmygod. I am so sorry. I took the rest of the day off when I heard. Nobody was very happy with me but I told them I was sick.

She bounds over and gives me a tight hug.

I say,

You tried to tell me. And I listened but I didn�t listen good enough. I didn�t think...

Lynn interrupts.

Fuck them. I was planning on staying at the Stupid Company until the summer, until I go to Ireland. But I�m just going to stay until the end of this semester. I don�t care what else I have to do, even if it�s a stupid waitressing job that pays less than what I�m making now. I am not going to stay at that place. I can�t believe they did that to you guys. After...

Angus interrupts Lynn.

...After everything we�d been told.

A Stupid Company bitch session gets under way. After an hour or so, Emma Pelegrino has to go to class.

Emma kisses Angus good-bye and I flinch.

She gives me a hug.

Hey�if you need anything Anna, let me know. OK?

I gingerly hug her back. Against my own will I have grown to like really Emma. She is sweet and funny and intelligent and caring. I hate myself for being such a jealous tool.

Angus, Lynn and I listen to the Stones and get sloppy drunk.

Around 9PM John shows up.

He is the only sober person in the apartment.

He sits down next to me and starts rubbing my back.

Angus leans in drunkenly.

So John. Any interesting news on the Stupid Company front? Any good dish?

John fidgets uncomfortably.

Well actually, I talked to Lonnie today.

I turn to him.

About what?

Well, actually it was about you.

And John recounts the following story.

After I left The Stupid Company, Lonnie came back into the phone room and sat down next to John in the supervisor�s office.

Lonnie wiped the sweat off his brow and said jokingly,

Phew. It sure has been a tense day, huh?

Then, he chuckled.

John stared at him and said in none too polite a tone,

Excuse me?

Lonnie, perhaps expecting John to join in the chuckle fest, was taken aback.

Oh well, I didn�t mean...

John wouldn�t let him finish.

I hope you know that Anna was a great, great supervisor. And she really deserves to still be here. I don�t know why you would lay her off as opposed to anyone else.

Lonnie became flustered.

Well you should have been in that meeting today. She stormed out before I could even explain the new interviewer position to her. I mean, she ran out of the office and slammed the door. That�s no way to behave. I think that goes to prove we made the right decision by letting her go.

Lonnie then rolled his eyes and leaned in conspiratorially.

But then, you know how women are. They always do stupid things like that.

John stared at him, unsure of how to proceed. Finally he retorted,

Anna was a loyal member of this team. She came in on weekends and she worked really really hard...

He was cut off by Lonnie.

Well you know John, in business, loyalty only goes one way. You owe the company loyalty but the company isn�t loyal to an employee, for goodness sakes. What did she think she was going to do here anyway? Stay in the phone room forever?

At this point in the conversation, John was incensed. But he managed to keep his cool.

I think Anna thought she would be promoted eventually the same way everyone has been promoted out of the phone room.

Lonnie snickered.

Well, in business those kinds of assumptions should never be made. If she wanted a promotion, she should have talked to me about it.

As John tells me this story, I become angrier and angrier. My fists clench. I can feel my face grow hot and tears spring to my eyes.

I interrupt him.

ME? I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM? HE WOULDN�T EVEN SAY FUCKING HELLO TO ME IN THE HALL!!!

John rolls his eyes. He pats my knee.

Honey, calm down. Getting upset isn�t going to help anything.

AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT WOMEN ALWAYS ACTING STUPID? WHAT A SEXIST MYSOGYNIST FUCKING PIG. GOD DAMN IT, I HATE MORMONS.

John is obviously embarrassed by my drunken outburst, although everyone else in the room doesn�t seem to my mind. They are of course as drunk as I am.

Anna, please.

I can�t stop myself.

THAT WAS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INAPROPRIATE FOR HIM TO BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT ME AT ALL! GOD DAMN�T. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT? INVITE YOU TO THE FUCKING COUNTRY CLUB? YOU GONNA SUCK DOWN A FEW MARTINIS TOGETHER AND MAKE BOOB JOKES?

Angus interrupts me.

Anna you�re not being fair. It�s not John�s fault, for chrissakes. He could�ve lost his job for standing up to Lonnie like that. I think he showed a lot of courage.

And Angus is right. I�m not being fair at all. But I look into John�s eyes at that moment and I have a drunken epiphany.

I know that he isn�t going to leave The Stupid Company. I know that this morning�s promise will be just one more promise broken.

I know that I am completely and totally alone.

I can feel a sob coming on.

Excuse me, I have to go for a minute.

I weave down the hall and lock myself in the bathroom where I sit on the tile floor, legs akimbo sobbing uncontrollably. If it was just the getting laid off part, it wouldn�t hurt so badly. If I could have come home to John and told him about how my stupid job downsized me and he could tell me stories about his job and we had different work lives but the same personal life, it would be fine. But everything is so enmeshed, and I have suddenly been yanked from the life we shared. Because our whole lives since he's graduated have come to revolve, comically enough, around this ridiculous dinky little market research firm, and all the people who work there.

And I know. I just know that he will lose his gumption. I just know he won�t leave.

I think to myself, if only I could go back in time two years ago and tell him that if he�s so hell bent on being a Supervisor at the Stupid Company, he better rethink being my boyfriend because I won�t stand for it. But I chickened out. I gave in. I let him have his way. And now look where we are.

John knocks on the door.

Honey? Are you OK? Let me in.

I reluctantly unlock the door and promptly sit back down on the ground. John sits next to me.

Dude, are you alright?

I shake my head no. I am drunk and the room is spinning. My whole world has fallen on top of my head. I say, or rather slur,

I think we should break up.

John�s eyes pop out of his head.

What?

I start sobbing.

I think we should break up. This isn�t going to work and you know it. You�re never going to leave that fucking place and I�m going to spend the rest of my life waiting for you... waiting for you to grow up.

John has tears in his eyes.

Oh Anna don�t say that. I love you I do. I mean, I�m going to marry you. We�re going to have kids and... and all that.

I shake my head.

I don�t believe you. I can�t believe you. I always believe you and you always always hurt me. I can�t...

John stops me. His tone is stern.

Anna, listen to me. First of all you�re drunk and you�re not thinking rationally. Secondly, you�ve had a horrible day. Honey, I promise you that I will leave that place. And you�re going to be just fine, OK? OK Little Babes? I promise.

I stare up at him with a tear streaked face. My voice sounds like the voice of a little girl.

You want to marry me? Really?

John looks away.

Of course I do. Why would I stay with you for this long if I didn�t?

Really?

Yes really. I mean, in the future. Not now or anything.

I smile wanly.

Well that�s good �cause I don�t want to marry you now either.

John pulls me up off the floor, and we prepare to leave.

Why don�t you say good-bye to Angus. I�ll wait outside.

John leaves and Angus and I stand in his hallway.

Angus hugs me tight. He won�t let go. He whispers in my ear,

I love you, Anna.

I love you too Angus.

I feel like a complete idiot when the tears start running down my cheeks yet again.

Angus smiles at me and kisses both of my eyelids. And then my cheeks. And then my mouth.

My heart starts pounding at a million beats a minute. I can�t think straight. Angus hasn't kissed me since our last horrendous go-'round. I look up at him in shock.

Anna, I want you to listen to me because I�m drunk right now...

I snicker.

I should listen to you because you�re drunk?

Just shut up for a second. You should listen to me because I�m drunk and I shouldn�t say this because of Emma and I�ll probably never say it again. But I want to say it and you should hear it.

Um...OK.

I love you. I mean I love you. And I�ve loved you forever. And I�ll always love you. And if things had been different...

I know... but they aren't. And you have a wonderful wonderful girlfriend. I wish I didn't think so, but I do.

Angus continues as though he hasn't heard me

And there�s so much I wish I could... I wish I could show you and... I just...

I sigh. I close my eyes.

Angus...

He pulls away. His tone becomes deadly serious.

Listen to me. You are going to be fine. I know you are. I can see it. This is going to be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Don�t do anything stupid. Do you know what I mean? Don�t...hurt yourself.

I nod. I back away towards the front door.

I love you Angus. I have to go now.

Outside, John waits for me in the rain.

Stay Tuned for Part the Sixtieth...

Childhood living is easy to do

The things you wanted I bought them for you

Graceless lady you know who I am

You know I can't let you slide through my hands

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain

Now you decided to show me the same

No sweeping exits or off stage lines

Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild wild horses couldn't drag me away

I know I've dreamed you a sin and a lie

I have my freedom but I don't have much time

Faith has been broken tears must be cried

Let's do some living after we die

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild wild horses we'll ride them someday

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild wild horses we'll ride them someday

Read the SAGA from

THE VERY BEGINNING

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

Before After