April 25, 2002 | 10:32 AM

8K) ## Harvard Ave

A collage of images blankets my memory.

Sneaking into the phone room late at night and playing hacky sack.

Watching the unintentionally hilarious interviewer training video over and over.

Angus and I passing obscene notes back and forth while editing open ends.

Lunch at The Delicious Stew Place with John and Lynn.

Interviewers throwing pencils at the ceiling. Attempting to be stern with them and cracking up instead.

Mornings when Seth and I were the only two people at The Stupid Company, and it was as though we were the only two people in the world.

Feeling so safe and secure and accomplished when I was promoted two years ago.

That wonderful beautiful first year as a supervisor. Before John graduated and everything was easy and pristine and joyful.

Phft. All gone. The end. Just like that.

Like death. You draw your last breath and you�re sucked out of the world.

For two years everything has revolved around The Stupid Company. Everyone I know works there. Almost every waking hour is spent there or spent talking about being there. There is no �work life� and �personal life��the two bleed together. In effect, I have been excommunicated from my own existence.

I am a miserable failure.

Outside, downtown is gray. The streets are gray. The buildings are gray. The sky is gray. The stoop upon which I sit is gray.

My body is a sine wave of sobs. Tears stream down my face. I�ve been crying so long and so hard, my eyes hurt. I choke on my misery. I can�t get air into my lungs fast enough.

A tall handsome man wearing a designer suit and carrying a black briefcase strides past me, stops, and turns around. He walks back to where I am sitting.

Hey, are you OK?

I manage to get out the words,

I just lost my job today.

The man kneels down so that he is at eye level with me. He hands me a Kleenex.

Hey. It�s gonna be OK. You�ll get a new job.

I cry even harder and involuntarily rock back and forth.

I... I... I�m such a mess. And I failed.

The man smiles kindly. He speaks softly.

You�re fine. You�re going to be just fine.

I nod my head and sniffle.

The man puts a hand on my shoulder.

Do you want a cup of coffee or something?

No. I�m okay.

He looks at his watch.

Well, I have to get back to work now. Are you sure you�re going to be alright?

Yeah, yeah. I�m fine. Thanks.

The man leans over and kisses my forehead. He stares directly into my eyes.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You will come out of this and it will be just fine. I promise. OK?

I stare back at him. I have no idea what to say.

Um, Ok.

He stands up and smiles down at me for a moment. Then he walks away.

It is at that moment I realize that I have left my coat upstairs. I am shivering and my lips tremble.

I walk back to The Stupid Company building and call the phone room from outside. John answers.

Two minutes later he is downstairs with my coat.

He appears to have been crying.

Oh Anna I am so sorry. When they told me that you were all set and they had a position for you, I figured you were gonna be promoted. Especially after what EvilRene said the other day.

At the sight of him I start sobbing all over again. I become hysterical.

What am I going to do? How am I going to eat and pay rent? Who the fuck is going to hire me anywhere? I�ll be homeless again and sleeping in the airport again. I�m never going to see you. I�m not safe. I�m not safe.

John�s eyes dart from me to the Stupid Company building. He has never been very good at dealing with these types of situations. He pulls me into his arms.

Honey, you�re going to be just fine. It�s going to be OK. You wanted to leave anyway, right? This could be a good thing. You�re going to get a much better job. And you know what?

My head is pressed into his shoulder and my words are muffled.

What?

I will too. OK?

I take a step back from him.

Really? You�re going to leave?

John nods.

Of course I will. I promise. You�re my girlfriend and I love you. That�s what�s important. We�re going to be OK and you�re going to be OK and things are going to be better for us when neither of us is working here.

I put my arms around him again.

John, I love you so much.

I love you too, Anna..

We stand like that for a long time. Finally, John pulls back.

Honey, I have to go upstairs now, OK? I called Angus and left a message on his machine about what happened. I really think you should go spend the rest of the day with him instead of being alone. It would probably be the best thing for both of you.

I nod uncertainly.

Honey. Call Angus. You need each other. Go over to his place and hang out. I�ll try to get out of here as early as I possibly can, and I�ll be over by nine o� clock to be with both of you, OK?

I am suddenly exhausted. My limbs feel like jelly.

Alright.

John goes back upstairs to The Stupid Company and I walk to the T station.

On the way there, I attempt to calm myself down. I tell myself,

This is a good thing. A good thing. You hated being there. You wanted to be out of there. You were going to leave anyway. And John will leave too. And you�ll both have more time to spend with each other and it will be a really good thing for your relationship. It will be like starting over. He loves you and you love him and that�s what matters. Everything will work out and the Stupid Company will be out of your life forever.

Little do I know how much worse things will get.

Stay Tuned for Part the Fifty-Ninth...

I woke up alarmed

I didn't know where I was at first

Just that I woke up in your arms

And almost immediately I felt sorry

'Cause I didn't think this would happen again

No matter what I could do or say

Just that I didn't think this would happen again

With or without my best intentions, and

What ever happened to a boyfriend

The kind of guy who tries to win you over, and

What ever happened to a boyfriend

The kind of guy who makes love cause he's in it, and

I want a boyfriend

I want a boyfriend

I want all that stupid old shit

Like letters and sodas

You got up out of bed

You said you had a lot of work to do

But I heard the rest in your head

And almost immediately I felt sorry

'Cause I didn't think this would happen again

No matter what I could do or say

Just that I didn't think this would happen again

With or without my best intentions, and

I want a boyfriend

I want all that stupid old shit

Like letters and sodas

I can feel it in my bones

I'm gonna spend another year alone

It's fuck and run

Fuck and run

Even when I was seventeen

Fuck and run

Fuck and run

Even when I was twelve

You almost felt bad

You said that I should call you up but

I knew much better than that

And almost immediately I felt sorry

'Cause I didn't think this would happen again

No matter what I could do or say

Just that I didn't think this would happen again

With or without my best intentions

And I can feel it in my bones

I'm gonna spend my whole life alone

It's fuck and run

Fuck and run

Even when I was seventeen

Fuck and run

Fuck and run

Even when I was twelve

Read the SAGA from

THE VERY BEGINNING

time capsule from heaven - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2011
31 - Saturday, Mar. 15, 2008
Dead/Alive - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
Do not trustTIAA-CREF-- they are fucking their customers - Friday, Jul. 28, 2006
Shilling - Tuesday, Jul. 11, 2006

Before After