7D) ### Thurston Street

I spend less and less time at my apartment and more and more time in John�s dorm room as the year goes on. There are a number of reasons for this. The first reason is that Ben and Madeline, who were a couple when we moved in together, have since broken up. Fortunately, they each have their own bedrooms. Unfortunately, this doesn�t stop a certain amount of warfare from occurring.

One time Madeline is talking about her new boyfriend (who incidentally three months later will be carted off to jail for stalking someone�not Madeline, thankfully) and Ben becomes jealous. He throws a bowl of cereal at her head and she reciprocates by chucking a vase at him. It is all very first scene of The Philadelphia Story, and I do not feel threatened in the manner I felt threatened around Penny and Alex. However, I am less than thrilled that it takes 48 hours for the remnants of this battle to be cleaned up, thus causing the living room to stink like sour milk.

Another time a jealous Ben calls Madeline a slut. Shortly thereafter he leaves to pick up some Gatorade from the store, and she locks him out. He climbs up the back porches and they scream at each other through the window. A neighbor calls the cops.

I am not at all amused.

After these fights they make up and are best friends again. Sometimes they sleep together. Both of them complain to me about the other person. I have been put in the awkward position of playing mediator between two neurotic exes.

I am not at all amused.

Another annoyance: when we moved into the apartment Madeline and Ben had two cats. An agreement was made between the three of us that there would be no more pets. This does not stop them from acquiring a ferret half way through the lease that roams freely all over the apartment. Madeline doesn�t like keeping animals in cages, as it is �unnatural�. The ferret decides that my sneaker is its favorite place to poop.

I find it unnatural that there should be animal dung in my shoe.

I am not at all amused.

One more annoyance: Madeline and Ben also both lose their jobs around the same time. Out of the kindness of my heart I get them jobs at The Stupid Company. They are after all highly intelligent people�both college students. And I am good friends with many of the interviewers. I don�t see that this will be a problem.

Ben and Madeline turn out to be the worst troublemakers in The Stupid Company�s documented history. They are in fact so terrible that Collin and Seth want to fire them. Ben challenges everyone�s authority including mine. He throws a fit over being told to make more phone calls and tells me (me!) that I am too uptight. Madeline, being the hell kitten that she is, riles up all of the collegiate aged interviewers and forms another version of the Kent* Pope* Instat* Collective. Only this time, I am on the other side of the battlefield.

I am not at all amused.

Yeah, yeah�just desserts. I know.

But you don�t expect to be getting it from you god damned roommates, for chrissakes.

Ben eventually does get the axe, and Madeline finds a waitressing job just before it�s her turn to be let go.

I truly love Ben and Madeline, but I am beyond irritated with them. They have turned our home and my workplace into a three-ring circus. Ironically enough, this living situation is still the most stable one I have ever had.

By April I spend 90% of my time in John�s dorm room, which suits me just fine, as we are horribly desperately outstandingly in love.

Everyone is shocked at the transformation. We are voted everyone�s favorite new couple. We can�t keep our hands off each other. We talk about getting married and what we will name our children. He likes Penelope for a girl and I hate it. I like Gavin for a boy, which he finds repulsive. But who cares? All things are possible when you are this in love.

We gear up towards the summer and John is about to graduate. We need to decide what to do about next year.

Neither Madeline nor Ben wants to renew the lease on the Thurston street apartment. John and I decide that we will keep the apartment and share one of the bedrooms. We will get two more roommates, which will allow for incredibly cheap living. John decides to either apply for grad school or get a job in the computer industry�maybe as a web programmer.

See, it was all worth it. The abortions, his cheating, the homelessness. All in the past. It all worked out. When you love someone, everything works out perfectly in the end.

Doesn�t it?

A picture is taken of John and I at his graduation. I now have it in my office at Harvard. In the picture we have our arms around each other. I have a huge smile on my face, and I am in semi profile, looking off into the distance, my gaze pointed towards the future.

In this picture, John is smiling as well, but his smile is uncertain and there are the first signs of creases at the corners of his eyes. His head is cocked at a strange angle as though he is questioning the photographer,

So� what am I supposed to do now?

And a few months from that point I will be telling him with grave desperation and disappointment,

I am not at all amused.

Stay Tuned for Part the Twenty-first...

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