December 17, 2001 | 8:39 AM

I feel so uneasy today, as though I've done something horrible and can't remember what it is.

I've been having these terrible dreams lately-- for the past three days I've had nightmares, which is really unusual for me.

I dreamed yesterday that I was communing with the ghost of Bill Hicks (amazing dead comedian-- if you don't know who he is then shame on you.) In the dream he was a malevolent presence. He showed me pictures of what I would look like dead, and this silent film of me dying over and over again. The thing was, I was to be killed in a skiing accident, and I don't even ski.

Then I had this dream that I was stuck in the indie rock diary ring-- that the diay ring was an actual place and sort of resembled the Phantom Zone from the Superman movies. It was really draining and terrible to be there, and it had nothing to do with indie rock. I was one of several people trapped inside the indie rock diary ring, and the song "Runaway Train" by Soul Assylum (an awful awful song by an awful awful band) kept playing over and over again. Also in this dream, Diaryland was an actual country and its government was an oppressive dictatorship.

(yes, I know how ridiculous this sounds, but it was very very scary and I woke up crying, so stop making fun of me)

In other news... I had a good weekend. John and I spent a lot of time together. He went with me to my department's Christams party at the Harvard Faculty Club on Friday night. The food was amazing, but it was sort of stuffy and both John and I felt somewhat intimidated being there. We had a lot of drinks though, stuffed our faces and enjoyed ourselves.

My alcohol tolerance has decreased so much over the past couple of months-- Partly because I don't drink as often as I used to, and partly due to how much weight I lost. Now, whenever I do drink however, I seem to conveniently forget this useful fact, and drink far beyond my capacity. I used to be able to drink everyone under the table. Not anymore. Oh well.

Saturday we went to Harvard Square and I spent a ridiculous amount of money buying music. I had just gotten a credit card and I blew way too much money on it. But I haven't had a buying binge in awhile.

Sunday we layed around and watched movies and ate junk food and had sex. We also read each other some of our diaries. Noithing John said in his about me bothered me at all, but I could tell that some of what I wrote about him hurt his feelings. I'm not apologizing for writing it because it was how I felt at the time, but I do feel a little guilty. I don't like hurting John.

My bedroom is a total sty right now and it's making me uncomfortable. NT et al are taking me out for tea at the Park Plaza this afternoon(yes, I know-- how pretentious) so when I get home from that I will clean.

OK-- must do some work now. NT and NK are back from Brazil, so it is unlikely that I will have as much time to write in this diary during the day anymore.

Shucks.