2001-12-06 | 9:09 p.m.

Hey, have you ever realized that you've been acting like a jackass?

I've been acting like a jackass. I realized it today. The realization has brought me much peace. I have surrendered to the idea that I have been a total fucking psycho. I have been the most insane codependent sick psychotic for so long.

My boyfriend does love me. But I don't love me. Or at least I don't love me enough to make myself the center of my life. How many of these fucking diary entries have been about my boyfriend? Who the hell am I to tell my boyfriend how to live his life? As long as he isn't hurting anyone and can pay the rent, right? I love him. So I'm going to stop being a control freak now and give him the space to make his own choices.

Oh, good stories about the x-mas party, but am not in mood to write about it today. Maybe tomorrow.

Quick Draw McGraw is coming up for the weekend. Looks like I'm reaching the end of sobriety.