December 21, 2002 | 11:26 PM

I had the loveliest evening with Jenn. She is so wonderful to talk to and just being around her makes me feel terrific.

Lately I've been having these terrible feelings of doom-- like something very very bad is going to happen. I wake up in the midle of the night from dreams of war and bloodshed. I don't know whether my inutition has to do with my own personal life or the world at large but I'm incredibly nervous and bracing myself for something awful.

Tomorrow I am taking off to Rochester where I will be until the 3rd of January. I am so glad to be going home right now-- my nerves are shot. I've been relying more on alcohol than I have in a long time anbd that makes me uneasy. And right now it seems like everyone and everything is going into some strange freaky mode-- I'm watching people I love deal with horrible things and I'm having to confront a lot as well. These situations always work out and we are all better for having gone through them, emerging far stronger and with greater insight, but the tumult is the complete opposite of fun.