December 16, 2002 | 10:05 AM

I am in a serious funk right now. It started yesterday morning before I left the party (which was by the way a good party) and it�s only gotten worse since.

I feel like I�m sinking deeper and deeper into it�like in The Never Ending Story when Atrayu�s horse gets caught in the swamp and goes under.

I don�t think I have cried more in 24 hours than I did from 8 AM yesterday until 8AM today. I felt like such a pussy but I just could not stop. I get like this sometimes, but lately it�s become much much worse. I went though a period of feeling quite together and now I'm not strong in the broken places. The broken places are coming unhinged.

We all die alone, don't we.

Often my life seems to me like a foreign country where I don�t know the language and the natives are rude. I feel out of step with myself and hopelessly lost. I can�t read any of the signs and there are no road maps.

I listened to this song over and over again yesterday which probably didn�t help matters.

i'll never be your Maggie May
the one you loved and left behind
the face you see in light of day
and then you cast away
that isn't me in that bed you'll find
I'd rather take myself away
be like those ladies in Japan
rather paint myself a face
conjure up some grace
or be the eyes behind a fan

And so you go
no girl could say no
to you

there's the way we may appear
but that will change from day to night
would you ever see within?
underneath the skin?
could I believe you had that sight?

And so you go
no girl could say no
to you

I'll never be your Maggie May
the one you loved and then forgot
I'll love you first and let you go
because it must be so
and you'll forgive or you will not
and so a woman leaves a man
and so a world turns on it's end
so I'll see your face in dreams
where nothing's what it seems
you still appear some kind of friend

And so you go
no girl could say no
to you