November 25, 2002 | 11:15 AM

God I feel so awful right now. I feel literally sick and I don�t feel like really talking about it, but I just feel TERRIBLE. I want to go hide under my bed. I don�t know what the fuck is wrong with me.

And then on the way to work today my bus almost ran someone over. It was so scary. I and someone else on the bus both screamed. We were about one inch away from running a man over.

It�s been a sickening strange and all around hellish day.

I wear people, down. I am just too much-- too needy, too intense, too insane. I don't know. Nothing I'm saying is probably making any sense. I don't know what comes over me that causes me to become so hedonistic and completely unconcerned with how my behavior affects others. I spend so much time worrying about other people, how they feel etc. Then suddenly, It's like for no reason at all, I just don't notice that I'm being completely inconsiderate.